Nothing is happening and it is happening now
I’m sure you will be as surprised as I was, when you hear that I got up this morning and discovered that nothing is happening.
Life is usually pretty eventful here at Head Rambles Manor, and there always seems to be something going on, but this morning there is nothing. That is quite an event in itself.
I did my round of the newspapers to see if nothing was happening anywhere else, and to my surprise, it was. There was the usual shite about swine flu and banks going bust, but apart from that, all seemed to be quiet.
I sat for a while waiting to see if something happened but it didn’t. For the last hour, a magpie is being chased around the estate by a flock of irate blackbirds and they are making a lot of noise, but that is hardly an earth shattering event?
So I am still sitting here waiting for something to happen.
The more I think about it, the more I realise that this is quite an event in itself. Could this be one of the big events of the year? The day when nothing happens?
…..
I just phoned RTE.
They like to know when something is happening so they can put it on the news. I told them that I had a breaking news story and they asked what it was, so I told them that nothing was happening.
They hung up.
Ignorant bastards.
Sharon would have understood but she isn’t on duty yet.
…..
I’m still waiting.
I’m getting quite excited now. This is a momentous day. Still, nothing has happened.
I did another trawl around the Interweb, but there is absolutely nothing going on there either.
RTE are going to be damned sorry tonight when they realise they have missed one of the news stories of the year.
Still waiting……….
Maybe the end of the world came, and we all died?
I don’t think so. A bloke started to cut the hedge across the lane and was making a very lively noise. I had to kick him in the nuts to get him to stop. He was definitely alive judging by the yell he gave. Still nothing happening though.
I got from a church on the southern fringe of Abbeyleix, through the town and back to Ballybrack, via the Red Cow, in an hour and a quarter yesterday afternoon.
I’m calling a press conference to discuss the achievement.
That is physically impossible. Have you been playing around with black holes again?
My missus just rang me a few minutes ago and told me she was too scared to put petrol in the car because of the swine ‘flu pandemic.
Took me 10 minutes to convince her it’s in Mexico, not Texaco.
Yo, Peckerhead! Where you been? Can the missus not go to Shell, or does she have to wait until there is an R in the month?
Yo, Grandad! Trees, mostly. Keeping well away from them swine (I tried to warn everyone, but would they listen?)
I told her to go to Shell, but she said that wash no way to shpeak to a lady. 😉
‘Tis the calm before the storm, Grandad. I predict tomorrow will be the day when everything happens, including (but not restricted to) the discovery of Bigfoot, an end to third world poverty, and the violent death of all humans (hence the end of third world poverty).
Bugger. That means that Harney survives?
Tomorrow’s the end of the world alright ‘cos Munster are coming to town….
go for it Munster!!
I’ve been working up a fine batch of “Everything” for a couple days now. Should be ready by midnight GMT. I can wait to release it until you wake up in the morning and get breakfast into you though. I know how much I hate it when “Everything” breaks loose before I have my breakfast.
Since there is nothing happening here I won’t leave a comment.
With Schopenhauer abroad in the land can Beckett be far behind, I ask myself Grandad?
Usually the answer that comes back to me is ‘shut up and light another fag you fool.’ And I have a point, I think.
Seriously though if anyone is worried about the Galtee Gripe you should chain-smoke your way through it. For health reasons if for nothing else.