I wasn’t going to write anything today because I am sick to death of computers.
The fucking things are out to get me. It is getting personal at this stage and I am on the verge of dumping the lot in a skip.
There is my own, which is driving me up the walls because it refuses to have anything to do with the Interweb. I ask it politely for a web page and it sits there for about ten minutes before presenting me proudly with a blank screen and smugly declaring ‘Done’. Done, my arse. I have to reload the page, and with a bit of luck, I will eventually get what I am looking for.
Yesterday, it started disconnecting altogether. And when it wasn’t disconnected, it wouldn’t get me into important sites [like my own] but would connect to useless sites [like RTE].
I could just about cope with all of that, but then Herself started bitching about her laptop.
Being a woman, she couldn’t have a simple problem like a virus or a crappy Interweb connection. Oh no. She has to have a complicated problem – a laptop that just switches itself off for no apparent reason when she is in the middle of buying something useless. Normally I would say that it was just a laptop being sensible, but she sees it as a fault, so I have to fix it.
The only cause I could think of was overheating. Why else would a machine work perfectly for long periods and then suddenly stop? Unless it was running out of petrol? I realised that if she nags me for a long period, I tend to overheat, so I thought it was worth investigating.
I downloaded a scrap of software from the Interweb and installed it, and it showed me lovely graphs of the temperature shooting up and down. Each time I thought it was going to come to the boil it would suddenly shoot down again, so there doesn’t seem to be a problem there. I decided to tell her to live with it and to stop annoying me, but then I noticed something else.
I had to reboot the laptop a couple of times, and each time I did, I got a fucking irritating little message telling me to validate Windows.
I should explain that this is a laptop I had a lot of problems with before. I lost everything on it and had to reinstall everything. Now, when they sold me the laptop they didn’t bother their arses giving me a Windows DVD, so I had to use a different one. It may have been a different DVD, but it was for the same software that was on the original, that I had paid for, and had a licence for.
I tried validating the laptop, but it told me I had the wrong fucking licence code. God give me strength!
I wasn’t going to go through the hassle of phoning Microsoft, on principle. They are a shower of money grubbers and if they think I am going to waste any more time or cash on them, then they can whistle.
I went onto the Interweb and found a crack for Windows. It now works perfectly, and there are no more nags. I have no conscience whatsoever about using crack software, as I legally hold a licence for what is installed.
I’m off now to search for more crack software. If I find it, I am going to make Herself eat it.
Maybe then she will work without nagging?