I hate computers
I wasnât going to write anything today because I am sick to death of computers.
The fucking things are out to get me. It is getting personal at this stage and I am on the verge of dumping the lot in a skip.
There is my own, which is driving me up the walls because it refuses to have anything to do with the Interweb. I ask it politely for a web page and it sits there for about ten minutes before presenting me proudly with a blank screen and smugly declaring âDoneâ. Done, my arse. I have to reload the page, and with a bit of luck, I will eventually get what I am looking for.
Yesterday, it started disconnecting altogether. And when it wasnât disconnected, it wouldnât get me into important sites [like my own] but would connect to useless sites [like RTE].
I could just about cope with all of that, but then Herself started bitching about her laptop.
Being a woman, she couldnât have a simple problem like a virus or a crappy Interweb connection. Oh no. She has to have a complicated problem – a laptop that just switches itself off for no apparent reason when she is in the middle of buying something useless. Normally I would say that it was just a laptop being sensible, but she sees it as a fault, so I have to fix it.
The only cause I could think of was overheating. Why else would a machine work perfectly for long periods and then suddenly stop? Unless it was running out of petrol? I realised that if she nags me for a long period, I tend to overheat, so I thought it was worth investigating.
I downloaded a scrap of software from the Interweb and installed it, and it showed me lovely graphs of the temperature shooting up and down. Each time I thought it was going to come to the boil it would suddenly shoot down again, so there doesnât seem to be a problem there. I decided to tell her to live with it and to stop annoying me, but then I noticed something else.
I had to reboot the laptop a couple of times, and each time I did, I got a fucking irritating little message telling me to validate Windows.
I should explain that this is a laptop I had a lot of problems with before. I lost everything on it and had to reinstall everything. Now, when they sold me the laptop they didnât bother their arses giving me a Windows DVD, so I had to use a different one. It may have been a different DVD, but it was for the same software that was on the original, that I had paid for, and had a licence for.
I tried validating the laptop, but it told me I had the wrong fucking licence code. God give me strength!
I wasnât going to go through the hassle of phoning Microsoft, on principle. They are a shower of money grubbers and if they think I am going to waste any more time or cash on them, then they can whistle.
I went onto the Interweb and found a crack for Windows. It now works perfectly, and there are no more nags. I have no conscience whatsoever about using crack software, as I legally hold a licence for what is installed.
Iâm off now to search for more crack software. If I find it, I am going to make Herself eat it.
Maybe then she will work without nagging?
Microsloth, err Microslop, oops I mean Microsoft is in fact a money grubbing whore but that aside did you stop to think that your laptops just don’t like you guys. I took note that the title of this post is, “I Hate Computers” and thought to myself….”Well, maybe your computer hates you!”.
I’m just sayin’ ya’ know.
Dead right Brian. If you hate your computer you must never let on – it will get you back when you least expect it.
As soon as the blasted PCs become sentient we are all in trouble. You think they hate us now, wait until they realize all the stupid things we do with them and worst what we do to them.
I was going to call this ‘Computers hate me’ but then I realised there were two computers and only one of me [I counted], so unless it’s a conspiracy, computers are just a load of junk.
What’s more, I don’t care if my computer knows &^hg sd;iyasd asudasdasd ,,,, ….
I wouldn’t rule out conspiracy. Have you considered the idea of maybe a mole/moles being the problem.I do believe they are a relative of the guinea pig so perhaps they’ve set to exact revenge upon you.Now, if this is it,Going like Sixty will probably soon have a ‘rodenator'(or some such man toy)(I forget the exact name),maybe he’d come help you out.I also thought maybe you had a leprechaun having a bit of fun with you.Wouldn’t that suggest a pot of gold was near to you or coming to you?Perhaps a best seller! Luck,Sandi
your blog definitely sums up my feelings about computers. I tried searching the phrase ‘I hate computers’… took me 3 attempts after Internet Explorer had the cheek to tell me it couldn’t display the page!
& what’s all this about ‘Device not found’; well where did you put you stupid machine? I fervently believe that increases in workplace stress are directly linked to increases in workplace I T.
Welcome Andy! I daren’t say this too loudly [in case my computer hears] but it has actually been behaving itself lately. Of course, having said that, it’s going to explode tomorrow in a cloud of blue smoke. As a survivor of an I.T. environment [now retired] I am probably the nearest thing to being immune to PCs and their little jokes, but they still get me occasionally.