Career Choice

I have worked in the IT industry for a number of years as a contract systems administrator. Most of my contracts have been with Government Departments/ State Agencies. During the last ten years I have hugely benefitted from the Celtic tiger as I have been severely overpaid and seriously underworked.

Given the current state of the Public Coffers and the impending Budget of Doom it’s looking more likely that this line of work is just about to dry up.

Can you recommend another line of work that I can get into, one in which I am paid vast sums of money for doing fuck all so that I can keep feeding my ever growing cocaine and hooker habit?

Yours Snort-Shaggingly,

Jack.

Dear Jack,

The position of Minister for Communications, Energy and Natural Resources shall be available shortly.

I think that fulfils all your criteria?

Grandad.

This next reader wishes to remain anonymous which under the circumstances, I am not surprised.

Small Knob

I have a small knob. I wonder does size really matter or do people just try to make themselves feel better?

If I had a bigger one, would it help to open doors for me or should I just stick with the handle I have?

Confused from Cavan

Dear Maxi,

There are quite a few people in this world with small knobs, and I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  Size is not normally an issue, as the most important quality is grip.  If you have a small knob, and your hands are sweaty, you may find that you need to grip a little harder.  In extreme cases, it may be necessary to roughen the surface of your knob a bit by rubbing it with coarse sandpaper.

Should your knob become damaged in any way, then I think the best recourse would be to remove it altogether.  Maybe you could consider opening up your passageway to allow complete freedom of entry?

Grandad

Do you have a problem you couldn’t share with a priest/doctor/counsellor and would like honest and profoundly useful advice? Just Ask Grandad.