My guide to a happy life
When I worked in RTE we had a great perk.
People used to assume that we got free television licences, but we didn’t. Being caught without one was actually a sackable offence, along with hitting the boss or getting someone pregnant.
People used to assume that I had free access to the Late Late Show. Frankly, if it had been compulsory to attend that, I would have been sacked immediately.
So what was this fantastic perk that we got?
A free RTE Guide!
I will be honest and say that I was never a great fan of the Guide. It was useless for lighting fires with as the damned paper was impossible to burn. They also printed it on very smooth shiny paper, so it was useless for wiping your arse with; it just shifted the shit around, as it were.
In the mid nineties, finances got a bit tight. It was around the time they spent around a third of a million upgrading the toilets on the executive floor, so sacrifices had to be made. The Guide was one of them. They cancelled our perk.
I was devastated. It wasn’t so much a case of losing the Guide as fury that my one and only perk had been removed.
A few weeks ago, a large envelope arrived at the house. Inside was an invite to the Pensioner’s Dinner and an RTE Guide.
Wow! It was just like old times.
Since then, every week a Guide pops through the letterbox.
So my perk has returned, even though I no longer work there.
Is this by way of an apology for removing it in the nineties? Are they trying to tell me how much they miss me? Do they want me back?
Life is full of surprised and delights.
But it’s still printed on non-flammable slidey paper.
you cant clean shit … with shit….
We used to get the guide at Christmas, and then for a few weeks after.
But mostly we went back to the free one in Saturdays paper.
Perks are nice though, even if you dont use them.
Bet you’re glad you didn’t get the CD version
Shiny paper does resist water though, you can sit with the guide on your head next time the pipes are leaking.
I only get the RTE Guide each August for the Lovely Girls in the Rose of Tralee.
Elf – Too true! Having said that, there is a nice photo of my Sharon on the cover this week.
SHoop – They do a CD version? I’d like that. CDs are great for making bird scarers.
Ian – That’s another thing… I can’t even use it for mopping up floods.
Welcome Ciara! Did you see me the year I entered?
Wow! Next week’s copy has just arrived. 🙂
Yeah, you definetly had the loveliest beard.
I’m reminded of the grouchy lad in the film Lost Boys, who bought a TV guide every week even though he didn’t own a TV. His thinking was that if you knew what was on TV, you needn’t waste your time flicking through the channels to find out there’s nothing on.
That “perk” is costing you money, btw – every time you throw it in the bin and pay the bin-man to take it away.
If only they were compostable…
Getting someone pregnant was a sackable offence? That’s very unreasonable! I presume you and ‘herself’ had to postpone starting a family until you had found another job, then?
Who needs the RTÉ Guide where there are on-screen programme guides, or the Internet?
Ciara – Don’t make me blush! It isn’t good for my complexion.
Kae – Actually, that is another thing I get for nothing – free collection of recyclables, so it costs me nothing. Not often I can say that these days?
Karyn – Very much so. Usually it only applied to the female members of staff though. As for Herself – we just claimed that The Bump was a wedding present from the Best Man.
TheChrisD – Who needs television when there is the Internet?
I used to love taking a pen to the RTE Guide, to deface it with speech bubbles of silly or dubious content. My mum still posts the crossword to my brother, because he loves it but he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to buy the whole thing.
Stan – The one good thing about it from my standpoint is the Sudoku. I only have to touch it with a pen and I fall asleep.
I thought RTE were making cutbacks?
Rather you then me getting the guide, it only lists a few channels.
I wonder if they sent you a few could you try and sell them? Like the people with the Big Issue do? Someone somewhere must buy them.
Clearly, the RTE Guide needs to be seriously pimped. All high-earning RTE faces posing beside their fireplaces removed would be Step 1. That leaves, what, 4 pages of content? We’re down to a 2pp DL flyer I think with a free tear-off money-off voucher towards your TV licence. Or simply IS your licence.
Geez! I’m jealous! I never received a TV guide from RTE though for no apparent reason I received Der Spiegle for about two years back when I was in University. I never signed up for it and never asked for it nor ever paid for it but they kept sending it.
Slidey paper. Bronco anyone ?
I had two free years of the RTE Guide after winning a writing contest that RTE sponsored, and it went well with my free tv license (for being a carer). Of course they were both useless because I don’t have a television.
So, has the Guide gotten better since the old days, do you think? (We used to shred it and use it for mulch)
Val – Maybe RTE’s cutbacks consist of sending me a Guide in place of my pension?
SHoop – Surely you know that the only celebrities in Ireland [as far as RTE are concerned] are RTE staff?
Brianf – All you have to do is sign up with RTE and work for them for forty years. Easy.
TT – Aaaagh! I’d forgotten Bronco. Another shit shifter of epic proportions?
Susan – For God’s sake don’t tell RTE that you don’t have a television. They will send you half a dozen Guides a week and plague you for a licence every second day.
The Guide has been shite ever since the beautiful Thelma Manfield stopped appearing on the front. Ya can fuck off Sieoge sisters!! That’s a real woman for ya… Just ask Sonny Knowles.
OMG. Bronco You could scrub pots with that stuff. And with the RTE Guide.
I’ve never seen it, but here’s an amazing fact, I read the Indo once (what, there are recipes at the back) and it said that the ginger unpronouceable yoke, Bláthnaid Ní Chofaigh, has been on the cover more than anyone else.
Keith – I can never understand the hype over the Sieoge Sisters. They are just a pair of plastic bimbos as far as I can see.
E Mum – You have never seen it? Ireland’s best selling magazine? Wow! I’m impressed.
I would like to see a bar graph of RTE Guide cover appearances. Among other things, it would sort out once and for all whether Rachel Allen has overtaken Derek Davis.
Keith Anthony – # Keith Anthony on 13 Mar 2009 at 2:48 am
The Guide has been shite ever since the beautiful Thelma Manfield stopped appearing on the front. Ya can fuck off Sieoge sisters!! That’s a real woman for ya… Just ask Sonny Knowles.
Sorry for picking this thread up so late but Keith Anthony why must we ask Sonny Knowles about the Sieoge Sisters?