I was going to try a podcast this morning.

For some strange reason, a couple of you suggested that I should.

Frankly, I can’t really see the point.  Instead of reading me droning on, you hear me droning on.

I suppose there are advantages to podcasts, in that you can listen to what I have to say while you are driving, or making mad passionate love with your significant other [or even your insignificant other?].  But you can do that anyway, because all my posts are converted to audio anyway by those people in Odiogo.

On the other hand, I would have to moderate my language somewhat, as you could be listening in the office, or with the children playing in the background.  Visual stuff is grand, because you can always pretend it is something else, but when the sound blares out of the speakers, it tends to travel and everyone around gets the benefit of my fucking and blinding.

I did get as far as putting the microphone on and switching on the recorder.  I said my cheerful “Hello all.  This is a podcast” and then I went blank.  What the hell was I supposed to say?  Feck all has happened between yesterday and today, apart from raiding a couple of tobacconists across the County Border and having a quiet game of poker with Sandy last night.  [Never play poker with a dog – you can’t tell what they are thinking.]

So there I was, staring at the recording program as it quietly recorded nothing, except me breathing.  I suppose I could do a half hour of heavy breathing, but my probation officer has warned me about that, so I can’t.

Anyway, when I do a solo spot into a microphone, I tend to drone.  I sound like a footballer being interviewed, or at worst, I can nearly sound as bad as Harney [the Queen of the Depressed Drones]. 

The microphone has been packed away again.

If you want me to podcast, you are going to have to do some of the work.  You are going to have to suggest what I do, or what I talk about. 

If I could find some way of recording Skype, I could have a phone in.  That would be interesting?  But you’d all have to be around at a prearranged time, and I know from experience trying to do a podcast with America and Australia that that can be a pain in the hole, as everyone is in a different time zone.

So it’s back to the old keyboard…….