I have a dream
I have a dream.
Barrack Obama is sitting in the White House, having just taken over the presidency.
He has a mountain of problems on his desk. He has the financial crisis to solve, the mess in the Middle East and how to eliminate Condoleezza Rice because she won’t hand over the keys to the executive washroom. He solves all these in the first morning when the next thing, an insurmountable problem arrives on his desk.
An invitation to visit his ancestor’s supposed birthplace in Ireland.
He knows well that the Irish will manage to drag up some kind of ancestral link to absolutely anybody, and he feels sorry for them.
How the hell is he going to get out of a visit to some arsehole in the bogs of Ireland?
The stress begins to tell.
He whips out a cigarette. But then he remembers that the White House in a non-smoking area.
“Fuck this,” Obama says to himself, “I am the Goddamn president now, and I can do what I like.”
So he lights up.
The White House staff are a bit annoyed at this political incorrectness, but they can’t give out to The Boss, so in a monumental piece of arse-licking, they declare the White House to be a smoking zone.
Word soon spreads throughout Washington that it is now politically incorrect to be a non smoker, and signs start appearing everywhere – “Smokers Only”.
America is now in a quandary. They have declared smoking and passive smoking to be lethal, yet they have to be politically correct. They send their scientists and researchers back to the drawing board.
Reams of research that has been stashed away in vaults around the country is dusted off and they suddenly discover all the stuff that has been buried.
There are the figures that give the health benefits of smoking. There is the research that shows no discernable deleterious effects of passive smoking. There is even a paper that shows that pipe smokers increase their life expectancy.
Throughout America, all the anti-smoking laws, rules and regulations are rescinded. In some states, it becomes compulsory to smoke from the age of five.
Of course this rash of fervour soon spreads throughout the world and we can all get back to normal again.
All we need is for the people of Moneygall in Offaly to send that invitation.
I wish they’d hurry up.
He did smoke the odd bit of pot when he was in college, so who knows it may not be just tobacco that ends up being a winner. And who knows, maybe Moneygall could end up becoming the Irish Amsterdam…
Good one. Court 9am. Fascist bastards. Police State this.
How did you dream that one up? Been out working on the veg patch again???? Its good……… but… can’t see it happening.
In times like these, the last thing the world needs is a US President suffering a nicotine fit. I say go for it!
I hope Moneygall does end up becoming the Irish Amsterdam, Cupid, cuz they’re closing ‘coffee shops’ and banning magic mushrooms right and left over here. Not that I use them myself but I’m tired of ducking the natives’ gutteral protestations (all those throat clearing ‘g’s and ‘ch’s.. spraying spit all over the place). Perhaps someone will discover an Obama/Dutch ancestral link and invite him over to Ammerschingen in Naaktgeboren-aan-zee as soon as poss’. Don’t ask me to search the archives for this Teutonic link though, I’m supposed to be ‘resting’ and what little brain I have left has been turned to mush by T.V. ‘soaps’. Bah! Give us a fag.
P.S.: Hi Grandad!
Cupid – If all world leaders had the odd toke, I think the place would be a lot better off. Peace, Man!
TT – Out police state is tougher than yours, so there!
Kate – How does anyone dream anything up? Dreams are dreams.
Susan – A nicotine fit is one hell of a lot better than having a raving lunatic with the mind of a five year old who is hell bent on war?
P.S. – Hi Geri. You tell ’em.
I’ll help write the invitation.
Oh and the addrerss is…
Comrade B. Hussein Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC
I thought I was a dreamer.
this is a sore subject with me this morning. last night on the news they informed us that the legislature will probably pass the $1. a pack increase on cigarettes. now this is the kicker. cigarettes have already gone up more than $1. a pack due to whatever from the manufacturer, so I had to give up my beloved virginia slims (started smoking them in college cause they had hippies working in the factory that would dump mj in with the other tobacco, or they weren’t too careful about what they harvested out in the tobacco fields, we didn’t want to press the issue), finally found a cheaper brand I could deal with even if they did make me cough more and now because it’s an off brand and doesn’t support the state like the other brands do or it doesn’t get any kickback from the settlement money we won from the “big tobacco settlement” a few years back, the off brands could go up as much as $2. a pack. shit, can’t win for losing.
There is a much simpler scenario.
You wait for the visit to Moneygall.
Then, before Obama calls at the Rectory to see his family in the parish records, you lock PaddyAnglican in the church vestry and appear at the Rectory front door in old cardigan and carpet slippers with a pipe filled with tobacco.
Sitting in the Rectory study, you puff your way through a couple of pipes, and say wouldn’t the world be a much nicer place if it were filled with cardigans, slippers and pipe tobacco.
He couldn’t resist such an approach
Brianf – I know the address. I have sent Dubya enough
obscenefriendly letters to know that by heart. Still not an Obama fan then?Maxi – No. You’re a
wankertalker.Prin – The same kind of thing goes on here. We had a douple slam recently – a value added tax increase and a duty increase [all into the governments pockets. How much are 20 fags in the States, anyway?
Ian – Are you suggesting that I’m irresistable? I might give it a try though. Would it work better if I had a clerical collar [if only I knew where to borrow one]?
If the people of Offaly had their way, all the fags would be confiscated at the border…
No I am not a fan of Mr. Socialista, Comrade, Che Hussein Obama!
Last year they banned smoking in bars here in PA but left an exemption. All a bar has to do is post a sign stating that it is a Smoking Establishment and there is no No Smoking area and ‘poof’ no smoking ban.
A pack of Camels here costs about $4. Marlboros are a quarter more. ie 25cents.
Omani – Confiscated for their own use? That is a good idea. I must implement it here.
Brianf – You would have preferred that other warmongering Bush loving idiot? The one who was two paces from a heart attack?
$4 a pack of twenty? Damn!! That’s about €3. We pay between €6 and €7.
I’m waiting for this also even though I quit smoking 3 years back (cigarettes anyway). I’m afraid we’ll all have to wait until the at least the 20th since he moved back the inauguration from the 9th.
As far as all the aforementioned documents are concerned I heard a vicious rumor that they stashed every one of them in the hull of an old 637 class fast attack nuclear submarine and then buried it somewhere in Port Bayonne, New Jersey.
I was standing next to someone in the Pundertakers the other day when they bought a pack. I couldn’t believe the price of them. Last time I smoked they were 2 quid for 20. Makes me laugh, ‘cos the old boys there totally ignore the ban. Bet you do that too!!!
No I am not a fan of Mr. Socialista, Comrade, Che Hussein Obama!
You see what I mean about talk radio and Fox News brainwashing over here.
Good one. Court 9am. Fascist bastards. Police State this.
You think it’s bad now? Just wait until he gets his fangs in us.