Christmas decorations
The bastards have hemmed me in again.
I got a note through the door yesterday to say that the council are going to do some roadworks. They are going to lay a watermain, and are going to start work on the 9th of December. They said there would be disruption, and they apologised for the inconvenience.
Yesterday was the 8th, so I thought I’d head off and get some things done before they started digging holes everywhere.
I headed out, and drove straight into a set of temporary traffic lights. The fuckers had forestalled me, and put them up early.
They obviously know of my love for temporary traffic lights, because they timed them to stay red for about ten minutes, to give me plenty of time to admire them.
They have also programmed the lights to turn red whenever they see me coming, as I discovered on the way back.
Along with the lights, they have also put down dozens of traffic cones with little yellow lights flashing on top.
I was going to get annoyed with all this carry on, but I says to myself ‘Fuckit. It’s Christmas.’
So I collected their traffic lights and all their cones and brought them to the village and decorated the place.
The village looks quite fetching now, with its rows of flashing yellow lights.
I put the traffic lights at the entrance to the village.
That’ll stop the council coming in and spoiling the fun.
It always puzzles me why councils insist on working on the roads at the busiest times of the year. This time last year there were no less than three major sets of roadworks on a 30 mile stretch of the N25 from Youghal to Cork turning a 35 minute journey into a 90 minute one.
Maybe they get some sort of strange thrill out of it? Or maybe they are just lazy buggers who never got around to it during the year and are now burning through their budget so they get the same funding for next year?
Mind you that doesn’t explain why they tear the roads up on the August bank holiday weekend either so I guess they must get a strange thrill out of it after all.
I have the exact same problem at the moment, can’t get in or out of my estate (by car) without sitting for an interminable amount of time gazing at an array of red LEDs. Fecking water, those feckers in the new estate behind us can do without it!
@Robert: Overtime.
Hurrah, a new Christmas village! All the others seem booked out. At least YOURS has a Santa with a real beard. Is Sandy playing Rudolph? How much you charging to get in?
Sounds amazing – they’ve started digging our village up again – I may just have to indulge in a little roadworks plan of my own!!!
Robert – They just do it to annoy me. How else do you explain that they always do it outside my gate?
Thrifty – Just do as I did and move the lights.
Susan – A new village> But it has been around for hundreds of years? And they can fuck off if they think I’m going to be Santa!! [Ho Ho]
Kate – Is this becoming an international conspiracy?
I was thinking of adjusting the timing so they had a 3 second cycle.
I’m surprised you haven’t set up a toll booth yet…..
You too, eh?
My township has been working on our water infrastructure, in my neighborhood, for the past four months. The block I live on looks like a freakin’ war zone with all the divits and bottomless holes they have installed on my street.
My driveway is currently about two feet above the road surface!!!
The one nice thing I can say about all of it is that every afternoon when they are finished wrecking the road they pour enough stone infront of everyones driveway so we can enter and exit without having monster truck tires on our vehicles.
Four months they have been working in my neighborhood!!!
Why don’t you get one of those gadgets that change the light when pointed at it ? End of problem.
Speaking of Christmas decorations, shouldn’t you dress up that banner a bit? If the pipe smoking grandad isn’t going to don a Santa hat via Photoshop, at least the soldier should. A bit of mistletoe hanging from the gun barrel wouldn’t hurt either.
Thrifty – Even better is to synchronise them. Hold them both on red for five minutes and then turn both green simultaneously, and watch the head-on pile up.
Milton – That is a damned good idea. €10 too little?
Brianf – Maybe the authorities in your area are trying to dig you up and move you out of the state? Has that occurred to you?
TT – The only gadget I’d point at those lights is my Glock.
RhodesTer – Waddya want me to do? Stick glowing reindeer all over the site? I might include a filleted Rudolph?
Council “workers” are the laziest shower of cunts on the face of the Earth. Anyone wondering where the government is overspending? Council workers. The fact that our tax money (I really should say your tax money, since I’m earning a tax-free pittance these days) is being spent on these fuckers who spend all day scratching their fat, lazy, hairy, fucking holes makes my blood boil.
It’s been 13 weeks (that’s 91 days) since they started laying a new footpath up my road. This footpath is to going to be roughly 120m in length and so far they’ve managed to put in the curbs. That’s it. Fucking curbs. Somehow it’s taken six council workers, armed with diggers and dumpers, 13 fucking weeks to lay 120m of curbs. That’s 1.3m per day. It’s an absolute fucking joke.
Why has it taken so long? Because they don’t actually work. They sit in the cab of the truck and smoke fags all day. And get paid for it. With our money.
Cunts.
Grandad, offtopic to this note, but i know you’re gonna love it – this is what the esteemed Mr Brian Crowley said yesterday to Vaclav Klaus, Czech president:
Brian Crowley MEP: I am from Ireland and I am a member of a party in government. All his life my father fought against the British domination. Many of my relatives lost their lives. That is why I dare to say that the Irish wish for the Lisbon Treaty.
My only comment is: fuck!
I hate those temporary traffic light systems… It’s just as bad as those hills that are only safe enough for one lane of traffic and so there are lights on either end to make sure only one direction comes through >:(