Me: I need to access some files on the PC in the office.
Me: When I try to connect, you just say that the network drive is unavailable.
Laptop: Have you tried switching on the other PC?
Me: Don’t be fucking smart. I used to be able to access them, but now, for the last few days, I can’t.
Laptop: Have you tried rebooting?
Me: Don’t treat me like an idiot. What is going on?
Laptop: Have you tried resetting the router?
Me: Hold on……….
Me: No difference, but now I can’t access the Interweb.
Laptop: You forgot to reset the address.
Me: Aw fuck! I can’t remember what it was. Now I have to phone my provider. You’re a right bastard.
Me: OK. I’m connected again, but I still can’t see the other PC.
Laptop: Have you been messing with the settings again?
Me: I haven’t touched the fucking settings. I’m getting annoyed now.
Laptop: Oooooh! I’m scared.
Me: Will you stop messing and tell me what’s wrong?
Laptop: Click on ‘Help’.
Me: You know that Help thing is damn all use.
Laptop: Have you tried Google?
Me: All I get is a load of propeller-heads who use language I can’t understand. Will you please tell me why you won’t connect to the PC?
Laptop: Because it called me a jumped up little Tandy.
Me: Oh Christ!