Me: Howya Snady.
Me: Why the long face?
Sandy: Don’t try to be fucking funny. You know I was born this way, you bearded freak.
Me: What the hell is wrong with you?
Sandy: I’m bursting for a piss.
Me: Well, go out and have one.
Sandy: Yeah? And how would you fancy going out in the rain and sticking your fanny into the cold wet grass?
Me: It would only be for a minute?
Sandy: Like last Friday, when you put me out in the pissing rain and forgot about me?
Me: I apologised for that. Anyway you got your own back by destroying the carpet after.
Sandy: Heh! I did.
Me: When were you last out for a piss, anyway?
Sandy: Last Friday!
Me: Jayzus. You must be bursting?
Sandy: I sneaked a quick one in the bath last night.
Me: Ya dirty thing! We have to wash in that.
Sandy: Tough. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
Me: Are you sure you don’t want to go out?
Sandy: What? And have you lock me out again? No fucking way.
Me: Suit yourself.
Sandy: Have you got any decent weed?
Me: You know where it’s kept.
Sandy: A big doobie is the only thing in fucking weather like this.
Me: You’re right there. Roll me one while you’re at it.
Sandy: Will do. I’ll just have a dump in the bath first.
It’s a dog’s life.