Driving lessons
Back in 1971 I was given a voucher for a series of driving lessons.
Up until then, I had driven the family car a few times around the Phoenix Park, and had even been let take the wheel once or twice on the open road in the country.
My first appointment was at half five in the afternoon, so I headed in on my motorbike, feeling a little nervous.
The driving school was on the quays in Dublin, and of course I arrived bang in the middle of the rush-hour. Even then, traffic in Dublin was chaotic at that time of day.
The instructor introduced himself and brought be out to a lane at the back of the offices. There was a nice shiny Morris Mini sitting there.
I assumed he was going to bring me up to the Phoenix Park where there are miles of road that are ideal for learning. But for some strange reason, he insisted that I sit behind the wheel.
“Right,” says he. “What are you waiting for? Start driving and I’ll tell you where to go.”
Bloody hell! What was he playing at? But he was the instructor, so I started up and drove out of the lane. He directed me on to Eden Quay, which was solid with traffic. I had never driven in traffic before, so I went into a state of panic but tried not to show it.
We drove around the Quays for an hour. The sweat was pouring off me, and I didn’t hear half of what he was saying. I stalled the engine quite a few times, but managed to avoid hitting anything. at the end of the hour, I parked the car back in the lane. It was one of the longest hours of my life.
“OK,” he said. “That wasn’t too bad. How long have you been driving?”
I looked at my watch. “About an hour.”
“No. I mean how long were you driving before today?”
“A couple of times around the Phoenix Park, and once or twice on the Wexford Road,” I replied.
He went white. “FUCK!” he said, and then apologised. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“That you hadn’t driven before?”
“Because you are teaching me to. I assumed that you assumed that I had never driven. Isn’t that what driving lessons are for?”
He moaned softly. He flicked through the pages on my file where he had been taking notes, and checked my details.
“You have booked in for the Advanced Pre-test Course. You are supposed to have completed the Beginners course first….”
We both sat there in silence and sweated for a few minutes. He quietly said ‘fuck’ to himself a couple of times, but didn’t apologise.
“Well!” says he. “We’re still alive. And if you can drive around Dublin in the rush-hour on your first lesson, then I think you’ll be all right.”
Is that what they mean by ‘being thrown in the deep end’?
Brilliant.
I knew it; sometimes it isn’t just irrational panic taking over!! There really IS a reason to be scared..
A Chara Grandpapa
you rich git! even in 1771 you were loaded with your paid for driving lessons… in a car! you probably wore your favourite smoking jacket and brought a picnic
I was put in a tractor – a ford 7610 with dodgy brakes and told off with ye!![and a few explicits thrown in for good luck].
Some people have it all…
slán go foill
peter
My first lesson of driving went fine, it was my first test that didn’t…
Why on earth would anyone put a fire station on the edge of five mini-roundabouts joined together? (The Magic Roundabout in Swindon – not quite so magic that day I can tell you!!)
Ah – its those early events that shape our characters – in 1971 I was a hippy, in college, flowers in my hair, just chilling…..
While you were terrorising the streets of Dublin…….
And now – well nothings changed but the years….
Except YOU now have a satnav to guide you…. (when you’re not ignoring it!!!)
Em, did you manage to get any more lessons after that? Or was that it?
ah Darren! c’mon for Gods sake! get a hold of yourself man… what kind of a fool do you think he is…. ?!!
@Peter Do you really want me to answer that? 😉
Conall – Be very, very scared…
Peter – 1771? I may be old, but I’m not that old! And what makes you think I was rich? I was actually earning £10 a week then [gross]. Try living on that. 😉
Kate – Did we meet at Woodstock? Glastonbury? The good old days!
Darren – Any more of your smart cracks, and you’ll find yourself on the naughty stair for twenty minutes.
Kieron – Nearly missed you! Any relation to Kate? 😉
I always wanted to drive on the Magic Roundabout. 🙂 Don’t tell me they actually included it in the driving test? Bastards…
Could have met in countless places….. Moody Blues concerts….. Doctor Hook concerts… you name it I attended!!! Oh the memories……. Time travelling again…….
Cambridge Folk Festival? [I was actually on-stage playing, but don’t remember much about it if you know what I mean 😉 ]
Don’t remember that one and yes I do know what you mean!!!
You sussed us out then – now you know why I did the 5 hour bus trip to come to see Keiron – I am not driving round here – it’s mad!!
granda’
i’d put kate on the stairs just for the mention of those people…
OOO that reminds me of one of my pure evil cousins! we had a big ole ’64 chrysler newport (land yacht) I was 13 or so and he talked my mom into letting me drive around in the fields…cow patties and all. back then I drove like I was flying an airplane…not paying much attention. I was just going where he told me to go. way down this field…at least a mile or so we came to a fence and could go no further. I started to turn around and go back. He said you can’t turn around. I said why not and he said because on either side of you are railroad ties and there is no room you’ll just have to back out. shit, i looked and sure enough under the fields of tall, tall grass, were thousands of railroad ties…nowhere to go but reverse. to this day i can back out of anything 🙂 i sure did cuss that boy and i never went anywhere near him again. i was sure he was going to grow up to be an ax murderer!
Kate – Did the network cable stretch the whole way?
Peter – If you mean Hippies… You are on the naughty stairs for an hour. I was one once and they were fine times!
🙂 We’ve been sussed!
Oh yes, on every test route for the town! Thankfully if your test is during the rush hour you can waste half the test on clutch control whilst driving across that thing…
It’s the getting out of the way of fire engines on it that causes the problems!!
No – a complete failure there – and the ‘bus air con broke down too! It was a hell of a journey on the hottest day we’ve had this year…. but arrived eventually!
Being taken to the greyhound track tonight – never done that before… may have to have a rant about it tomorrow when I get back home…..
@Peter – I don’t have any stairs!!
My first driving lesson back in January went similarly, the instructor who was a doddery 74 year old called Mick first of all got lost trying to find my house, and also he was 5 foot odd and I’m 5 foot 10, driving a Micra, I needed to adjust the seat which wasn’t possible as the adjuster thing was broken!
So my first time out, I had driven before – never a car, but I have driven trucks, buses, and tractors (I’m odd that way – but they’re diesel and don’t stall as easy as a car) so he says off with ye. 5 minutes in, I had my first encounter with a busy roundabout, and then I had to negotiate rush hour traffic at Dublin airport and then bastard inclines at Howth Summit.
Whilst doing that, he carried on distracting me. As he knew my family he kept on with the “Do you remember so and so”, and “I remember you Dad when he was a nipper…”. And there was the confusion, all of a sudden we’d be going along and he’d scream “Next Left, Drop Gear, Hug your Corner, Clutch in, More Brake”.
But to be honest, even though I was sweating I really thanked him for it – he put me in at the deep end and as he is a family friend of my granny he only charged me for an hour!
Aaron