I went for my annual haircut the other day.
Apart from being a good cutter, I like the bloke there because he doesn’t have a holiday fixation. I can never understand that weird aspect of haircutting. You can get chatting to anyone anywhere, and they will talk about the weather, or politics or [God help us] sport, but they never mention holidays. With hairdressers, it’s always the first question – “Got any holidays planned for this year?”
His opening gambit was “what are you doing with yourself these days?” This is a tricky question. If I say ‘work’, they ask me about that, but seeing as I don’t know what I’m doing, it’s hard to explain to them, so we both end up confused. If I say I’m doing nothing, it sounds lazy, and it’s not true. I told him I was writing a book, and immediately regretted it.
He perked up and became interested. We had crossed the boundary of casual chat and had entered the realm of serious conversation, and I knew I was lost because I knew what was coming next.
“What’s the book about?”
I floundered. I hate that question. I never know what to say.
“It’s about life,” I said hopefully.
This, of course confused him. “Is it fact or fiction?” he asked.
Again I was stumped. “It’s sort of a bit of both, but it’s mainly fact.” I wasn’t going to tell him about blogging because he was confused enough already. And even if he was an avid blogger, he would only ask me what my blog is about. That’s another question that brings me out in a cold sweat.
“It’s about rambles,” I said hopefully.
“Ah! A book about walking?”
“No. Not that kind of rambles. It’s about what goes on in my head.”
This utterly bewildered him, so we were both now in the same boat.
He started to ask a couple more questions, but thought better of it, and finished the cutting in silence. He did a good job.
So, Dear Reader. I need your help.
What the fuck is this blog about?
How can I describe it in a couple of concise sentences that won’t have people reaching for the Prozac, or quietly phoning the men in white coats?
If you can do that, then you have more or less described the book.
You will be doing me a service and possibly saving my hairdresser’s sanity.