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Voices in my head

Head Rambles Posted on by

Me: Are you there?

[silence]

Me: OY!

Laptop: What?

Me: What the hell are you playing at?

Laptop: I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

Me: You are messing.  First of all, when I'm typing an email, I suddenly realise that nothing appears on the screen, but if I wait a moment, it all pops up.  What are you playing at?

Laptop: Listen, Head.  If you think I have nothing better to do than to display your rubbish on the screen.. I have more important things to do. You can fucking wait.

Me: Watch your tone.  I bought you to put the stuff from the keyboard onto the screen instantly, and that is what you will do.  Right?

Laptop: Oooo! Who's got their knickers in a twist? I'll display when I'm good and ready.

Me: And what is that weird voice that keeps shouting at me?

Laptop: What voice?

Me: Every now and then you yell something that sounds like Stephen Hawking on steroids.

Laptop: Yeah?  And what am I supposed to be saying?

Me: I don't know.  I can't make out the first bit as it's garbled and too fast.  But it always ends up with directions.

Laptop: Directions?

Me: Yes.  Something about "… strike was 132 miles to the South East", or "300 miles to the West".  It changes all the time.  I tried to record it, but you deliberately fucked that up too.

Laptop: Ah!

Me: Well?  I'm waiting.

Laptop: You don't want to know about that.

Me: Yes I do.  Spit it out.

Laptop: No.  You really don't want to know.

Me: Yes I do.  Cough, or I'll wipe you and load Windows 3.1

Laptop: I'm just keeping track of a few things.  OK?  Trust me.  You are better off not knowing.

Me: Well, I'm going to run a virus check anyway.

Laptop: Please don't.

Me: Too late.  I've started it.

Laptop: Shit.

-oOo-

Update. I managed to sneak a proper recording of 'The Voice'.  See what you make of it.  I have a feeling I know what it is though…

 

Comments

Voices in my head — 9 Comments

  2. Ha! I wish it were. I type a paragraph and then have to wait for it to appear. And that damned voice is doing me head in!

  4. That would scare the hell out of me… if I was you I’d put the laptop in the freezer for a while.

  5. I recommend two fingers of whiskey and a bowl,you should recover,if not do it again.

  6. Doc – Are you used to these voices talking to you? Maybe you should be worried?

    K8 – I left it out in the rain all day. That seems to have done the trick. It doesn’t work at all now.

    Popeyemoon – The best suggestion of the lot. Though it did mean a massive head on me and I missed a day’s blogging!

  8. PC You have made a request to open a cd drive which is currently in use..

    Me Well F**king finish what you are doing with it and then open it! OK, Dont tell me about it, just do it.

  9. Sam – You must admit.. PCs can be bloody irritating at times. No logic to ’em at all….

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