Bless me father
Bless me father, for I have sinned.
It is forty five years since my last confession.
What?
Yes. I did say forty five years. Stop whining. You lucky I’m here now. Now, where was I? Oh yes…….
I have partaken of genetically modified food by eating seedless grapes.
What?
White ones. Stop fucking interrupting me.
I have lit countless bonfires, thereby destroying the environment. I suppose you can add the fact that I own a car to that.
I have conducted a morally debatable scientific experiment by ramming a firework up a tourist’s arse.
?
He asked for it. I told you to stop interrupting.
Last week I aided a drug user by giving them a light outside the Alexander Hotel.
In mitigation though, I don’t have a fortune of billions in the bank. Nor have I buggered any children in the last few years.
?
No. I don’t repent. Do you?
Feck off then.
See you in another forty five years…..
Seedless grapes are more a case of selective breeding than genetic modification in the sense that people get their knickers in a twist about. Most crops these days have been selectively bred for desirable characteristics. That doesn’t mean Monsanto have blown their load all over them.
Selective breeding? Genetic modification? Same thing only slower. Anyway, you can’t be too careful where hell is concerned.
I look at things like this and a tiny voice in the back of my head giggles and goes “Cake or Death?” Gotta love Eddie Izzard for putting things in perspective when it comes to the church 🙂
I think it may be the church that needs to get things in perspective. 😉
The excessive accumulation of wealth… hold on, isn’t that the catholic church?
The man in the box is doing his job and the majority of them do that job extremely well and they aren’t sitting on personal fortunes. They are available 24 hours a day 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It’s unfair to use the one brush etc…. try to make a distinction between the man and the institution he happens to be part of.
Alan
J – And quite a few others I could mention.
Alan – I do. It’s the bloke at the top who always accumulates the power and the wealth and makes the strange decisions [and I’m not necessarily referring to the Church].
When do these new mortal sins come into effect?
Will I be adjudged to have committed a mortal sin if I took some drugs last week, when drug taking was just a regular sin? I’m very confused…
14 deadly sins doesn’t have a nice ring to it at all. 7 was good, 7 like the days of the week, 7 the magical number. Nothing magical about 14, and besides, they’ll probably move it to 17, and then deduct one or two and multiply a few… Also, they had good names, sloth, pride, gluttony, these were real names for real sins. Conducting unethical research does not evoke anything at all to do with fire and brimstones, only with review boards and ethics committees. Which is not the same thing as hell. Bring back fire and brimstone, and most of all, do NOT get rid of sloth and gluttony, they are my favourites!
I don’t get religion. I come from a religious family but I struggle with spiritual stuff. So you go and tell them stuff you’ve done wrong, and you get forgiven? What if it’s something really bad like murder?
Oh, and ‘cake or death’: classic. Love Eddie.
Cathy, If you conduct unethical research you may spend etenity in review boards and ethics committees. Personally I think hell would eternity in a dentists waiting room.
H – I haven’t a clue. I don’t think the pope has signed on the dotted line yet, so you can carry on the genetic research for a bit. And remember – there will be no farting after, either.
There is the reverse problem too. I ate meat on a Friday when it was a sin. Now it isn’t a sin any more. What about the people who went to hell before they rescinded the rule?????
Cathy – I agree. They’ll have to rename them. I can never remember the original seven, so I haven’t a chance in hell of remembering fourteen. So maybe I will get my chance in hell?
E Mum – If I can recall my youth…. if you confess a sin [even murder] you are forgiven, provided you promise to try not to do it again. The great thing is that the priest can’t tell anyone about it. It’s a pity the civil law doesn’t take the same attitude.
Brianf – Hell is being stuck in a lift with Bertie and Harney.
Keep that up, and you’ll be giving
Bing Crosby ANOTHER heart attack.