I was at a Do last night.
Now, I am a quiet bloke who likes the peaceful life up in the mountains, so I find these functions somewhat bewildering at the best of times.
Last night was surreal, to put it mildly. I know exactly how Alice felt as she entered the portals of Wonderland.
First of all, to get to the function, I had to walk on water. The water was full of goldfish, and they all scattered as I walked on them. I drove them into a corner and managed to squish a few.
Then people kept coming at me and pushing glasses of wine into my hand. I didn’t mind that bit. I wasn’t in the mood for Guinness anyway.
A lot of total strangers came up to me and asked if I was Grandad. Why? How did they know me? I wasn’t wearing my blue woolly hat.
Then we had a meal. The main course was a choice of chicken or steak, but one of the people at my table told them she was vegetarian. That threw them into a complete spin and waiters and managers started rushing all over the place. Eventually, they served her steak and hoped she wouldn’t notice. Steak and courgette. She doesn’t like courgette, so she went hungry.
At one stage I went outside for a puff of the pipe. Our K8 was with me and she grew a rash of goose pimples so I took off my jacket to give to her, as I was too warm. Immediately a bloke who looked and sounded like James Nesbitt insisted on rubbing my boobs. I don’t have any, by the way, but that didn’t stop him. He did it to prove that I was a man. As if the beard wasn’t enough.
I have a problem with my hearing, which means that if there is any kind of background noise, I can’t hear what people are saying to me. There was a LOT of background noise, so I’m not sure what anyone said last night. Except James Nesbitt of course, but that was because we were outside.
So having finished our dinner, and listened to the noise for a while, we left.
K8 and I walked on the water again, but this time we played Sheep Dog Trials. We managed to herd all the goldfish into one corner and squished most of them.
I never saw the White Rabbit though.
And on a completely different note…..
Huge congratulations to FeeBee at The Waiting Game for winning the Digital Media Award for Best Blog. Nip over and congratulate her. She deserves it.