Here I go again
I had to go to the village, and of course ended up at the coffee shop.
I may have mentioned this but the Anti Smoking Nazis have declared some of the tables outside to be non smoking, as some of the smoke may get inside. How fucking moronic can you get!
I did some simple arithmetic.
Approximate volume of shop interior = 64,000 litres.
Capacity of lungs used in normal breathing = .5 litres.
So… if I took a full lungfull of tobacco smoke and breathed it out in the shop, I would have displaced 1/128,000 of pure air with foul carcinogenic lethal fumes.
BUT
I smoke a pipe, so I only ‘exhale’ a mouthful which can’t be more than about 10ccs, or 1/100 of a litre.
so my displacement has become 1/640,000.
Even that is assuming that my exhale is pure smoke with no air involved.
So, we’ll say a 50/50 mix. Displacement is now 1/1,280,000. And that is assuming that 100% of tobacco smoke is carcinogenic, which it isn’t.
Now all that is assuming that I have exhaled indoors, but I’m talking outdoors. So what percentage of my smoke is accidentally going to blow in the door? We’ll be generous and say 10%.
So I have to sit in the windy part of the terrace, in case I pollute the air by a factor of less than one in ten million????
It’s no wonder I hate those PC Nazis.
‘sfunny how mental arithmetic can cheer you up.
Bit of a problem there with the formula, GD – you forgot the factor of the free-ranging, non-inhaled smoke?
TT – I just have an active mind!
WWW – That’s true, but a) watch a pipe smoker sometime, and you’ll see that the amount of smoke produced from a pipe in the hand is minimal to almost none [compared to a cigarette], and b) I think I was being a bit generous in allowing 10% of my smoke to blow indoors. I would reckon [in today’s wind] at probably <1% !
Ah, yes, but by homeopathic standards that is clearly too high. The air it has been in will retain the “memory” of the carcinogens and go on to lay waste to the entire universe. Clearly. Ask The Amazing Randy.
Aw, Jayzus Thrifty – Don’t be giving them ideas. It’s logic like that they feed off!!
In fairness pipe smoke is a pleasant smell. In fact I think they should pay you to lend atmosphere to the establishment.
**cough**
What about all those SUV’s spouting smoke and fumes outside the door? Are they not worse than your little pipe?
Thrifty – LOUDER PLEASE!! And you’re not the first to say that! The locals like to see me puffing the pipe, and always come over to greet the dog.
RhodesTer – You’re a neurotic!
Grannymar – Funny you should say that. I was there for about an hour. During that time, countless SUVs, several buses and many heavy lorries trundles past within a couple of yards of me. I won’t even mention the cars. Any single one of them produced far more filth than I did. It just shows how stupid and petty these laws are.
Most pubs now use artificial air ‘fresheners’ these days. They probably produce more carcinogens than I ever did 😉
Actually, I’ve been thinking of taking up a pipe myself. California laws are similar, but downtown Palm Springs is full of establishments with front patios and those patios are full of smokers. Shouldn’t be a problem here. Come for a visit someday and I’ll get you and watzerself a hotel suite for a couple of days.
Did you know that artificial air ‘fresheners’ are known to cause diarrhoea and also depression!
RhodesTer – Do. If you have to smoke, then the pipe is your only man. Very relaxing. I am available all summer for lessons and counseling.
Grannymar – All I know about them is that both of us are allergic to the things. I hate them. They give me sinusitis!!
Imagine if the same math were applied to other gaseous emissions from other orifices…
I’m a former smoker, but I remain connected to the culture, like a collapsed Catholic. Fuckin awful that you should have to endure this humiliation, but if you can let me have names and addresses, there are some associates of mine who might call round for a quiet word.
SandH – I was going to make exactly the same point. If they outlawed farting in all public places, I might calm down a bit. That goes for artificial scents, perfumes and so on as well.
Bock – Now let me see? Department of Health? Who’s the minister there? GO ON. Do us all a favour!
I might have to visit the potential replacements first.
Just to be sure, do the lot of them!!
To be fair, most tobacco smells are awful – speaking purely as a holier-than-thou never-smoker. I don’t mind cigar/pipe smells nor the smell of some rolled tobacco cigs but unfortunately we can’t just ban the buggers with the stinky smoke.
Welcome MJ! I hate cigarette smoke too. It makes my eyes water and it stings. Herself smokes cigarettes so I know all about it. *sigh*