The has been a lot of negative comment in the Blogging World about John Waters lately.
For those of you who don't know who John Waters is, he is the most intelligent man in Ireland and he writes for the Irish Times [when he’s not writing songs], and he says that without exception, all blogs and bloggers are stupid.
I think it is only fair to come to his defence.
Now I can speak with absolute authority on John Waters, because I don't know him. I have never met the chap.
I am likely to get to know him even better, because everyone I come across, I ask them if they are John Waters. If they say they are, then I ask them to leave my presence immediately. I want to keep my intimate knowledge of John intact.
You see, I am stupid. I am proud of the fact. I would hate to be tainted by one so exalted and erudite as John. I mean to say – he can write. He can string three sentences together perfectly. I can say that with absolute authority too, because I have never read one of his articles, that I know of.
Of course he has condemned Jim Carroll, Shane Hegarty, Conor Pope, Sarah Carey and Stephen Fry as all being stupid too. This is a bit harsh, but John is an extreme intellectual, so he must know what he is talking about.
There are some things that I don't know about John, however. I don't know if he can write a song, because I had the misfortune to see the Eurovision Song Contest. But then, he did win by coming last.
I am a bit confused, I admit, about his interest in pornography. I work on the Interweb most days, and I see a lot of web sites. I must have visited many thousands over the years. I rarely come across pornography though. Very rarely. But John says sixty to seventy percent of the Interweb is pornography? I really must be searching in the wrong places. I must write to him and find out how he is so successful at finding them.
Now he has his own blog. This is going to cause him some confusion because he now cannot exist in his own presence. But someone of John's great intelligence can work that out, surely. I notice it doesn't contain any sex or Satanism, which is very disappointing.
But I digress. I want this to be a positive post. So I am going to say something nice about John.
He has a beard.
I could say it's a pathetic attempt at one, but then I have never met it.
*Update* – I can now also confirm that he is a great actor. He is a much better actor than Tom Cruise [mind you, that’s not much to boast about].