Doing business on the phone
You know how I love phoning call centres and chatting to people who can’t speak English?
You know how I love cold callers?
Sometimes there are upsides to both of them.
Last Sunday [Yes – Sunday – a day of rest when we are supposed to be doing nothing except praying], I received a cold call. It was from my Internet Service Provider. The bloke was foreign, of course.
“Allo Grandad. Ow is your Internet connection?”
“Fine” says I.
“Are you sure? Ve have a report dat says you have problem?”
I logged on, connected to the White House and changed all Dubya’s files replacing ‘Iran’ with ‘Iowa’.
“There’s no problem at all. It’s working very well. When was this call logged?”
“November last year”
I don’t often laugh out loud when talking to a call centre, but there is an exception to every rule.
-oOo-
Yesterday, I got a reminder from my oil company. I hadn’t paid the last bill. I decided to phone them rather than go through the trouble of writing a cheque and going to the Post Office.
Straight away, I got the recorded message about how all their operators are busy and could I please hold on and how they appreciated my service. I sighed, but at least I didn’t have to press any buttons.
After about ten seconds, the phone was answered by a very pleasant chap. He was Irish.
I asked if he could take the payment over the phone, and he said that was no problem at all, at all. He was very chatty. A nice lad.
Herself has a habit of talking to me when I’m on the phone, and this time she told me to ask him if we could have a discount for being a regular customer! She is the greatest chancer.
“What did she say” asked Yer Man.
“She wants to know if we can have a discount for being a regular customer” I said.
“Hold on.”
Half a minute later, he was back. He quoted me a new price. He had knocked the best part of €100 off!
I was so surprised, I ordered a new delivery even though we don’t need it.
“We’ll be around tomorrow”
“There’s no hurry” I said, “we still have half a tank.”
“No” says he “You’re good customers. He’ll be around in the morning. And he’ll have a voucher with him you can use each time you order, so the discount is permanent.”
As I was typing this, my phone rang. It was the oil delivery man. He was full of apologies. He won’t be able to make it this morning.
He’ll be coming at one in the afternoon.
There are some Irish companies [not many] who still appreciate a good customer.
Or maybe they’re afraid you’ll shoot them! You should ask for it for free. If they agree then you’ll know for sure.
Jack – You know me better than that! They’re not tourists, they don’t ask for directions and they don’t make much noise. Why would I shoot them?
Now if they were delivering propane gas it might be a different matter. But then I’d flatten the neighbourhood……
Sure wasn’t just yesterday you were shooting at Irish builders next door? Word can get around fast about the looney up the lane with the gun taking pot shots at people. Like all call centres with their Emergency Bomb procedure they probably have a ‘How to deal with Grandad’ procedure, I’d say it goes something like ‘Give him what ever he asks for!’.
Strangely enough my oil company gives fantastic service, and I actually found an Specialist Internet shopping site in the North which blew me away with their service. I ordered some items on a Monday, got an e-mail the same day thanking me saying they would be in touch re delivery, an hour later mail came saying it would be despatched that day and it arrived as promised the next day.
Oh and when I say specialist I do not mean Porn.
If you only need half a thankful where will you store the remainder? I suppose you could use the bath.
Many moons ago when we were thinking of replacing single glazed windows with double glazing, I phoned three companies, as you do, for quotations. Two of them arrived by appointment to survey the job and give a quotation. We listened, thought about it and counted our pennies before going ahead with the preferred quote.
THREE years later the third company phoned to arrange an appointment to survey and give a quote! I laughed, long and loud.
Jack – The builders were annoying me. They are really behaving themselves since. I am very choosy about who I shoot, and I’m sure the oil people know this.
PP – A New Blogger? Welcome 🙂 There are some good ones out there. There is a shop I found on eBay that I used twice. The second time, I got an e-mail confirming the order had been dispatched ten minutes after it had been delivered. Time-warp time.
Grannymar – Into the water tank on the roof, of course.
Could it be that the company knew that the other companies’ windows would only last three years?
âAllo Grandad. Ow is your Internet connection?â?
Reminds me of this Phonejacker clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ekIIvfyfD8
J.
Hmmm.
One of those oil companys that jacked their prices when oil went over $100 pb even though it was physically impossible for them to have purchased oil at that price?
Maybe you should wonder why they want you to buy oil now, just as the price is dropping?
We also got a 20% off voucher having only bought 2 tank fills with a company 😉
John B – That is classic!! I think I would have started taking the p*ss at the beginning though 😉
Neighbour – You got your fill yesterday didn’t you? Was your voucher for a sports shop or for oil?
I work for a Large Oil Company and right up to the bit about the discount I thought you were talking about us.
They must have been screwing you on price in the first place or your tank must hold 10000 litres. If not good luck with it and I’d stick with them while they are still in business, although I doubt this will be for much longer.
Lafsword – I won’t mention the name of the company, but I think they claim to be the only Irish oil company. That give a hint?
It wasn’t you I was talking to? If so, I have a complaint….. They arrived five minutes late!
It’s the hi tech providers that are the worst. Computers and internet . . .try getting hold of Apple Mac or Microsoft on the telephone! What’s the point of making an online enquiry if you’re ADSL is down!
On the other hand, I recently ordered a couple of funny T Shirts from an American company. They were very apologetic about production problems meaning they would not being able to deliver by Christmas despite their online promise so I got the 2 T’s for FREE and an $85.00 voucher to spend on their site whenever I like! Now THAT’S service. (I didn’t tell them that the original t shirts actually arrived on Christmas eve, well in time for Christmas!)
Funny what being a ‘loyal customer’ does to you sometimes. My credit card company (which I’d rather not have) has given me a month’s no payment option. Which I’m not taking (as they pressumably foresaw) because I paid less over the Christmas season. And they upped my credit limit without telling me. How nice of them.
Still. Apparently there are some genuine loyalty rewards out there. Good for you!
Hi J, and welcome!!
Hah! Credit Card companies!! I started off with a limit of about €300. I keep paying it off by the end of the month and they keep raising the stakes to try to tempt me. I don’t know what it’s at now. Probably about €10,000!!
Yes, I have this exact same trouble. In theory, I’m going to ring them up and ask them to put it down because I’m slightly scared of having my credit card stolen.
In practice though, I don’t want to talk to them. Which is pressumably how these companies generally win their tiny battles.
Hello, by the way!