Celebrity status isn't all it's cracked up to be
Being a celebrity is really hard work.
The hardest part is fighting off all the beautiful young women who insist on crawling all over me.
Elaine [Head of the Grandad Fan Club]
It is difficult at my age.
Here I am chatting up Maura McGrath of Jenerate [who sponsored the Blog bit] and I have a furious Glenda about to thump me for ignoring her. I can’t win.
But that damned smoking law isn’t going to spoil my night.
Of course, as soon as I had a spider in my hand, it was too much for Elaine, and she was back. [The other bloke is Cully by the way, not Liam Neeson’s son]
At this stage I was getting really worried. There was another approaching from behind me with a huge tarantula crawling out of her cleavage.
With three spiders, we got a little rowdy, but that was before the band struck up. They would have drowned out a Shuttle Launch. Incidentally, the very sophisticated young lady seated beside me is K8 the GR8.
It was a bit wild, because Elaine was also celebrating getting her Masters exams that day, and also I had just signed the book deal.
Frankly, I was glad to get back to the peace and quiet of the mountains. I could take off that ridiculous suit, get back into my old jeans and jumper and my wooly hat and try to live the life of an anonymous celebrity in the bogs.
Beautiful women, celebrities, champagne and parties! Life can be really tough sometimes. If it all gets too much for you I can stand in as your stunt double.
EmptyHead – Do you have the stamina? It is really tough going. You can be my stand in for the Late Late, if you like?
Grandad, being slow on the uptake I’ve just spotted my site in your blogroll. That’s very kind of you, I am honoured.
And er, (kicks heels a bit, stares at ground) can I have Elaine’s phone number?
Oh yeah! I’d have the stamina all right, for certain elements on your blog today.
As for the Late Late show? Well, I guess I’ll leave you and the plank to it. The things I’d say to him (as your stand in) would only tarnish your impeccable reputation.
I think the Rodge & Podge show would be right up your alley, especially if you brought the lovely Elaine with you.
Are you sure that bloke beside you is not a Jedi? He looks very like one.
Or he could be this man:
who would have been 127 on Baino’s birthday if the Republicans hadn’t shot him!
Terence – No. You can’t have her number. Am I the first to have a Fan Club that has a Fan Flub?
EmptyHead – The reason I wanted you on the Late Late was to try to preserve my reputation.
Myself and Elaine on the Podge and Rodge Show? Hmmmm. That would be fun!
Herself has some competition Grandad heh. The photos are great.
K8 the Gr8 is a babe. Does she know she’s adopted?
Ian – You got marked as spam because you put two links in!! As I said – He isn’t Liam Neeson’s son, but he is now famous. I don’t think he’s a Jedi, and he’s certainly not dead.
Nonny – Heh! They are the photos Herself approved. I couldn’t publish the others!!
Sixty – No. I never told her, because I’d have to tell Herself first, and she would be devastated.
Mmmm, fake beard, glasses, chance to slag the plank off on national TV on his own show? Right Grandad, that’s it, I accept, where do I sign up?
I’d love to ask you for Elaine’s number also but that would make JackMcMad even madder than the madman he already is. If you’ve seen his new site you’ll know what I mean.
You know grandad…..I think I….no, it can’t be….yep. I’m starting to hate you….
EmptyHead – As soon as The Plank gets in touch, I’ll be on to you.
And what’s all this about people wanting Elaine’s number? How come nobody wants mine?????
JT – Don’t be like that. I’m a lovable old rogue, really.
Elaine? Elaine? What’s all this Elaine you’re talking about? I thought the blonde in the purple dress was Grannymar!
I want Elaine’s number too!! Congrats Grandad. You deserve it. 🙂
Well Grandad, I’d be proud to have your number in my phone, but the reason we want Elaine’s number is because she’s blonde, beautiful, great figure and …., oh yeah,…… FEMALE! ….. and you’re, ……. eh…… not.
No offence intended though 🙂
âCelebrity status isnât all itâs cracked up to beâ?
What an appropriate title in light of what’s in the news today – ‘cracked’ being the operative word.
p.s. enjoyed the pics above but I think you’d have looked much better with your woolly hat on 😉
Brianf – Be honest…. Does she look like a Grannymar? [Not that I know what a Grannymar looks like]
JD – You can’t have it either. And thanks.
EmptyHead – So that’s what a female looks like. My mother never told me.
Steph – The thought had more than crossed my mind when I was title hunting. And I completely agree about the woolly hat – my hair does not like being washed. It makes it go all over the place, and I look weird then.
You are right about the suit.
To Nonny and Our Fans,
Don’t worry about me. I give him a regular rub down with Deep Heat. That keeps him happy.
Oh…is that why I thought you had washed your hair? 😉
btw I’m sure Grannymar (and Granny!) look years better than Elaine
TT – I hate suits. The last time I was in black tie was 1973!
Granny – That’s what you think! *heh* 😉
Oh butter! my cover is blown! I thought the purple dress was a good decoy!
Sorry Grannymar – I did my best to keep your secret…….
Now the flack will fly. Does granny know?
Not yet. When she finds out, you’ll probably read about it in the papers.
Don’t worry Grannymar – Granny will probably lose the plot!
Steph I hope so.
I think I smell the birth of a media slut… are we going to see your fashion faux-pas’ and your swimming suit cellulite in the papers now? Will you be inventing a new diet? How about a fragrance?
‘Mellow Virginia cabbage fart – by Grandad’ Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue!?
(Awww Shucks, GoingLikeSixty! Major ego swell going on here. Your tenner’s in the post.)
My goodness… did I just comment during Coronation Street? What was I thinking?
K8 – If you don’t mind…. ‘Condor Cabbage Fart – by Grandad’. That rolls even better.
Coronation Street? Whassat?
Ha! I knew it!
Ena Sharples,Minnie Caldwell and Margaret ??
I remember the first episode. I was 10. Yipes !!
Isn’t it appropriate that an anagram of “The Golden Spider Awards” is “Shoddier adept wrangles?”
He’s still crying you know,but great pics!
Great pics, looks like great time was had!
Have you decided on what your book will be on?
Green with envy I am…positively green…
tt – So was Ken Barlow [near enough] and he’s still going!
SID – Who’s still crying?
Gaye – The book is still in the evolution stage. God knows what it will grow into. Some kind of strange monster? I’m a little bit scared!
Robert – Envious about what?
Yer all mad feckers! (I love that word so I have appropriated it and will re-educate Australia . . so much more fun than ‘silly bastard’) But I digress. Grandad, I think you are delusional – ‘Barbie’ um I mean Elaine was after your Bolly! (mmm . . .champagne . . .) and Granny, be careful where you rub that Deep Heat . .
Baino – Delusional? Moi? I have no illusions. Do I detect a touch of the Green Eyed Monster? I know you and your fondness for Bolly!
Talk about getting in on the end of things. That looks as if you had a great night. Groupies hey?
Emptyhead if you want to enjoy your dinner in my parents house this evening with my sister you’ll forget about Elaine. Heh heh heh.
Seriously though, I’d love to see you on the auld Late Late with the Plank (Not that I watch it ever). I’d watch it if I knew you were on it though and that’s really saying something.