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Talk amongst yourselves

Head Rambles Posted on by

I am writing this in absentia, partly because I’m not here, and partly because I can.

You see, I had to go out this morning, very early. I could have waited until I came back, but then you all would have been worried.

At this stage, I have you all trained like Pavlov’s dog to salivate in the morning, waiting for me to post. So it would be cruel to let you down without warning. Withdrawals, and all that. Nasty.

You may wonder what I’m doing this morning? I’m not telling you. And there is no point in asking, because I’m not here to reply.

So while I’m gone, you can sit there quietly and talk amongst yourselves. If you must write something, then get together a draw up a list of subjects for me to write about. I don’t promise to write about any of them, but it’ll keep you quiet for a while.

In the meantime……..

Herself thinks I’m the only one who takes a swipe at Harney. I found this yesterday!

 

Comments

Talk amongst yourselves — 32 Comments

  1. Grandad,

    A story for you to write about from the RTE website:

    “Major delays on southbound M50 – Tuesday, 30 October 2007 11:13.

    There are delays of up to an hour reported on the M50 southbound at Junction 14.
    The delays are at the slip road onto Leopardstown Road and the Sandyford Industrial Estate. Drivers should use Junction 13 at the Ballinteer Interchange instead.
    Advertisement

    AA Roadwatch says the delays may be caused by a new traffic light sequence experiment”.

    Traffic light experiment? What, turn them all red and leave them that way?

  4. Ok so. It’s a bit rude but here goes:

    Mary Harney and her new husband were in bed on their wedding night. They were just getting into the throes of passion and her husband suddenly says:

    “Mary, do you mind if I turn off the light?”

    “Why? are you shy?” says Mary,

    “No it’s not that, it’s just the lightbulb is burning my arse!”

  6. I tried to put up a poster – it won’t work.

    This is like writing on the blackboard and hiding the duster

  7. A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering
    For weeks now”

    He looks at her and says angrily “fix the light, now? Does it look like I have an Electricians logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!”

    The wife asks, “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.”

    To which he replied, “fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Hotpoint written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

    Fine, she says, “then you could at least fix the steps to the front door?”
    They’re about to break.”

    “I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps”, he says. “Does it look like I have Woodies DIY written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the pub!!! ”

    So he goes to the pub and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

    “Honey”, he asks, “how’d all this get fixed?”

    She said “well, when you left I sat outside and cried just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him he offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.”

    He said, “So what kind of cake did you bake him?”

    She replied “Hellooooo…….do you see Delia Smith written on my forehead? I don’t think so!”

    Now I’m gone before he comes back and catches me…..

  8. So a small church outside Dublin had a new parishioner who traveled over from London. While the good people of the church weren’t particularly fond of the Englishman they were forced to tolerate him since he brought in quite a bit of money for the church.

    Unfortunately, the priest was a bit more staunch in his opinion and constantly made snide remarks and nasty comments about the British from the pulpit.

    Finally, the board decided to have a word with the priest. After much discussion he agreed to try to tone it down a bit for the good of the parish.

    The next Sunday the sermon was on the last supper:

    “And the Lord is sitting there at this joyous passover and he reaches forth and dips his bread in the bowl and says, ‘One of you shall betray me.’

    “Well, of course the disciples are distraught at the sudden revelation! Peter calls out, ‘Lord! Tisn’t me is it?’ and John also says, ‘Dear Lord, tisn’t me is it?’ and so it went with each of them.

    “And then Judas says, ‘I say guvnor. Aint me is it?'”

  9. So, everyone, what’s your favourite kind of humming?

    Mine is ‘mmmmmMMMMM’ – that’s a hungry man looking at a big steak.

  10. I’m back. And the place is in a shambles!

    Grannymar – Please report to the headmaster at nine sharp tomorrow morning. I will not tolerate this behaviour……

  14. Robert – you couldn’t have seen Grannymar doing anything – Ms Harney was sitting between you and her 😉

  15. CHILDREN!!!!! I will not tolerate this. You will all write out “I must behave myself when Grandad is absent” 1,000 times. And do it on your own blogs. Not mine.

  17. That’s easy: Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste Copy & paste.

  22. Uh…so why’s everybody looking so like you’ve been given a final warning or something. Oh…hey! Welcome back Grandad, what’s with the whip?

  23. KirkM – Young people these days have no respect for their elders. I was time I showed them who was/is boss.
    I leave them for a few minutes and they tear the place asunder……. *sigh*

  24. Somehow this just seemed like the perfect punishment for me Grandad and so I have obeyed. Might I now be allowed back into the classroom (and to pull a pint?)?

  26. Grandad,

    Yeah, I know. Young people are so…young! (we never did anything like that when we were young, did we?).

    Congratulations by the way!

  27. Good God, JT!! You do suffer from OCD, don’t you? Fair play. You may come back, but remember to wipe your feet and could you please leave your obsession outside the door? It worries me.

    Ian – Aha! You’ve let my dirty little secret out 😉 Thanks!

  28. KirkM – Of course we were well behaved. We respected the baseball bat [one of the few good things we go from America] and we were quiet in class. And thanks 🙂

  29. But now you have to admit that ‘MMMMMMMMmmmm’ is also good – that’s the sound of a fridge door opening.

  30. No one has done their homework Grandad – they’re supposed to be coming up with subjects for you to write about.

    I think you should write about the HSE suspending 20 hospital electricians over the dispute as to who should be allowed to change the light bulbs in the hospitals…

    It has comedy written all over it…

  31. Daz – It also sounds like a constipated cow?

    Lena – The HSE suspended 20 hospital electricians for not changing a light bulb? They did a Saddam Hussein on them? That seems a bit drastic? Are you sure???

  32. Electricians said changing light bulbs was exclusively their work. HSE said this adds to their costs. Electricians refused to answer pagers and the like – will only take instructions from their immediate supervisors so HSE suspended them.
    Only in Ireland…

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