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Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated

Head Rambles Posted on by

There seems to be a rumour doing the rounds that I am dead.

My obituary even appears in Damien Mulley’s site.

The bad news is that I’m not. I know this will come as a shock to many of my loyal fans [like Bertie, Harney and Dubya] but that’s the way it is. You’ll just have to put up with it.

One interesting bit of mind-rambling I did yesterday was to take some figures off Google Analytics.

Apparently in the year, I had around 66,000 visitors. Each of them spent an average of three minutes on the site. So this makes a total of 198,000 minutes spent viewing the site.

I know you all view the site during working hours, in between sessions of poker, Facebook and searching for p0rn on Google, so this represents 3,300 hours of productivity lost.

I haven’t a clue what you earn, but you all have computers, so you mostly have office jobs, and must be reasonably intelligent, so I will assume an average salary of €15 an hour [I may be wrong – I’m way out of touch with these things].

This means I am costing the world economy €49,500 a year. And that is a first year, with a bit of growth to be expected in my second year.

So it would pay Dubya and Bertie [and George?] to get together and grant me an annual salary of [say] €50,000 a year to stop blogging. It would have to be index linked, of course.

Am I being unreasonable?

 

Comments

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated — 31 Comments

  1. Why not go full out, and assume you’ll double your viewers in the next 12 months? I mean, it’s a case of our old buddy, double or nothing, innit? What do you have to lose? One hundred grand, in unmarked bills, or you’ll post more and more, until the entire world economy is breaking, Fight Club style, reducing us all to the status quo.

    I know I’ll spend at least a few minutes a day here, if you’re working towards that goal. I do wish you the best of luck.

  2. You are far too reasonable.

    I’d double the hourly rate as well. We’re all worth at least €30/hour.

    That makes 200k. Or perhaps a cool quarter mil 😉

  3. I didn’t want to be greedy. I’m very reasonable like that.

    OK, so. €200,000 a year OR I WON’T STOP……

  6. You are forgetting about those of us who are unemployed and have nothing else better to do all day!

  7. No I’m not, Robert. You are balanced by those f*ckers who are earning stupid amounts of money. I mean, look at Bertie…….

  10. Thanks, TomTom. I’m full of them.

    Red – I swear too. So does TomTom. I’m now going to check back over your comments, and if I find just one before one or after two…………

  11. Well I think you’re being too hasty in assuming that this site actually takes away from our work as opposed to enriching it. For instance, the other day I was suddenly asked in a very boring meeting for my opinion on the merits of Linux versus Windows and I simply read out, verbatim, the ‘Linux is a load of Billux’ post. I got sustained applause for this, ahem, case study of mine, a few phone numbers off the hot girls and a massive promotion and pay rise.

    I’ll give you 10% of that pay rise to NOT stop blogging, you’re all I’ve got going for me.

    Yours,
    TMcD

  12. Terence – I’m glad I helped you out of a hole. I will accept 10% of you gross salary, and 50% of the hot girls. I think that’s fair.

  13. the only thing I like better than a feisty old grandmother is a feisty old grandad. I looked at your stats and figure that I’m costing the world about 32 cents a day. Balance is good.

    I came over by way of Rhodester, who is a brilliant storyteller even though he never remembers the difference between “its” and “it’s”, and I’m gonna have to put you on my blogroll.

  15. Its nice that you dropped by, Lorna. And I’m glad you like the site and it’s ‘humour’. You are more than welcome. 😉

    I misread your comment for a second – I thought you were going to put me on your bog roll. I’m glad that isn’t the case and I’m honoured.

  17. Feck, I got an awful fright when I heard you were finished blogging. I’d pay ya if I had the money.

  18. Bah hah!

    I haven’t had a job in 11 years. I simply siphon off o’ Mr. Nim (who in turn looks for porn and poker online at work).

    So yer figures are off a little on me.

  19. Katherine – I don’t know where that rumour started. You can owe me for the time being?

    Sue – Typical woman! Making the poor bastard sweat so you can stay at home complaining that a woman’s lot is not a happy one. Anyway, you can afford it out of the housekeeping!

  21. Ha! Not making much out of me either. I read late at night or first thing in the morning . . .too busy playing with other people’s money at work . . . gotta love being upside down.

  22. Well, I always do this site from home and my allotted 15 minute work breaks every half-hour, honest. No need to squander prime pr0n hours at work. However, I did like the Linux case study, and I’m not afraid to use it.

  23. Just so you know, I backed into some poor idiot’s car one day just as he was coming out of the store, so he ran over in a panic and yelled at me. He said, “Hey man, you hit my fecking CAR!” and I said, “what?” and he said, “you hit my fecking CAR!” and so I asked him if he was Irish. He paused and looked at me like there were snakes flying out of my butt and then he said..

    “WHAT?”

    I said, “I just figured you might be Irish, beings how you just said FECKING.”

    We exchanged information but he never contacted me to pay for the car, so..

    ..thank you.

  25. Remember your silly brain teaser thingy about dates and even numbers? You owe the HSE €250. It took me 10 minutes.

  26. Daz, no I haven’t seen your Father, “Ted”.. did he wander off from the old folks home or something?

  27. I think your undervalueing yourself a tad…going by politicians sarlaries…and how much they cost the worlds GDP…I figure your worth double that at least and with a little negotiating probably 125,000 quid per annum….

  28. So you claim to have knowledge of the word ‘fecking’ without ever watching one of Ireland’s greatest, if not entirely stereotypical, sitcoms?

    For shame … go back to wearing a Hawai’ian shirt, a camera around your neck, and saying ‘oh geez, I love you goddam Irish‘ every time one of us speaks with a brogue, Begorrah.

  29. Daz – Down boy! Get back in your cage this instant!! If you don’t apologise, I’ll send you to bed without any supper or Xbox.

    To the rest of you – I apologise for Daz. He likes to hurl abuse around and insult people. He’s a very nice lad normally. I blame the drugs.

  30. It’s that new psychoactive stuff – the blue one.

    And I’m glad to see I stirred you from your virtual slumber …

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