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Am I too old to learn?

Head Rambles Posted on by

Dick phoned me just now.

He’s looking for Ron. He’s wondering why Ron hasn’t turned up for work.

Now Ron is lost somewhere in a hospital waiting to be treated after our unfortunate incident last week. But I can’t tell Dick that his main employee has been shot [by me], so I told him Ron was staying here for a week or two, and that he had just nipped out for a while.

Dick said he had no problem with Ron being here, and that he would communicate by e-mail, and that Ron could carry on with the project he is doing at the moment.

Now, Ron once accidentally left his notebook here, so of course I photocopied it. It has all his usernames and passwords in it. So I can get into his mail. In fact, I can get into every site he has ever worked on!! So I can read his mail.

The problem is that I’ll have to do his work too. For the moment anyway. So I need help.

Apparently, Ron is working on several web sites that use HTML [I know what that is], PHP, MySQL and CMS. What the f*ck are the last three?

Can someone please send me an e-mail and tell me all about them, because apparently I have to have a site finished by the end of the week. I don’t want to know what they are. I just want a quick rundown on how to write them.

Don’t tell me about any books, or web sites. I don’t have enough time. I just want a quick rundown. Something simple like that you can speak Russian by talking backwards, or Italian by adding an ‘o’ at the end of each word.

If I can’t finish this work, I’ll have to explain what really happened, and then I’ll have Dick after me as well as Ron.

Help!

-aAa-

You are never too old to Learn something new and modern.
Distance Learning programs can help. Whether it’s Computer Programming that has always fascinated you or you simply want to go back to finish your GED, online colleges make it easy.

 

Comments

Am I too old to learn? — 14 Comments

  2. Ah Jayzus, Twenty!! can’t ya read – “Don’t tell me about any books, or web sites.”

    I haven’t time for that. I only have three days left!

    Thanks for the effort though.

  3. I am in a hurry out to catch a toyboy. So this has to be a quick answer.

    Those codes are simple:

    PHP = Park Here Please. It is a place where you put text.

    MySQL = Square Leg. In other words it refers to the things in the corner of a website.

    CMS = Church Missionery Society. You use it on sites for Holy People.

    I hope you find this information helpful.

  4. PHP – a scripting language: toss in a few >s and you’re golden

    MySQL – maintains the system..keeps all those little programming squiggles from running amok in cyberspace

    CMS – stores files and makes them available to users

    The whole kit and kaboodle might be compared to a friendly neighborhood pub, where the owner needs to lay in supplies, keep things running smoothly and monitor – referee – “discussions”.

    Right up your alley, I’d be willing to bet!

  6. dianne has it mostly spot on: my only further comment is that all of them are free – open source – and take very little time to learn.

    ..though, perhaps, not that little bit of time.

  7. Perhaps you can spare the lives of a few nerdy looking tourists, lock them in your basement, and run a web design sweat shop.

  8. You forgot JSD, it solves the problem of PHP, MySQL and CMS. Just Shoot Dick!

    Also is MySQL like myspace for squirrels?

  9. Wow! Sorry People. Fell asleep again…..
    That won’t help my projects!

    Grannymar – Thanks. That helps. A bit. I think. Maybe.

    Diane – I think that helps a lot more. It gives me a clearer idea. I like the idea of throwing in a few >s. It seems I have to throw a lot of cash in too. I noticed there were a LOT of $s around. Would it help if I used £ or even €?

    Robert – There’s always one. You ask for help and someone comes along and offers it – at a price!!

    Doc – I think you’re right. Diane has it right, but it’s not free if Robert has his evil way.

    Paul – Tourists are rarely nerdy looking. It would sort of spoil the spontaneity of the sport if I had to interview my targets my victims tourists first.

    Manuel – Now there’s a thought!!! But it’s against my principles to shoot real people. That’s killing! I might try LSD, though.

    Myspace for squirrels? Hmmmm!

  10. Who are you people? Geeks on speed? Get a 15 year old online gamer and pay him in Red Bull, he’ll nail it in an hour!

  11. PHP= Personal Hydrolised Poo

    MySQL= My Saboteur Qaeda League

    CMS= Craic Magic Schtick (got a wee lazy on that one)

    Ah, don’t give up on it Grandad. 🙂

  12. Forget all that code writing crapola!
    Go down the pub. Drink 15 to 17 pints. Drive home. Write a post about transendentalism. Copy and paste the whole post to the web site code page.
    There you have it! Web design in one evening.

  13. ¡ɹÉ?ʇs É? Ç?ɹ,noʎ .06 ‘sʞuÉ?ɥʇ

    .Ç?poɔ Ç?ʇıɹÊ? oʇ Ê?oÉ¥ uo uÊ?opunɹ Ç?ʇÇ?1dɯoɔ É? ɥʇıÊ? 1ıÉ?ɯ-Ç? Ç?ʇÉ?ʌıɹd É? Ç?ɯ ʇuÇ?s Ç?É¥

    .ʎʇxısÇ?ʞı1buıob ʞuÉ?ɥʇ oʇ ʇobɹoɟ ı

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