I am The Chosen One
Someone is trying to tell me something.
I am used to spam. Usually they are trying to turn my anatomy into an elephant’s trunk, or get me high on Viagara [combine the two and I’d end up looking like the Stiffy by the Liffey]. Or else its Mrs Nksdftfvb from Nigeria who has billions she wants to give me.
These ones are different though.
They aren’t trying to sell me anything. They aren’t blokes who say they are girls and want me to write to them. There are no links or e-mail addresses. Just words.
here’s one I just received. It was entitled “coincidental cruise countersunk“:
congo bryophyte, corral brandon apathetic, arachne bunk. beard acquisition cargoes desegregate clergyman copolymer breadwinner. coccidiosis attica amort cancel caw creedal arabic augur acs caruso corrupt bracket. batt claire clerk ammeter burbank ado blur
And another called “cock biennial cairn”
comprehensible amperage correspondent claus. crime authoritarian arbitrage cesium cathodic clifford. contravention crossbow basepoint bamboo boca bug alpheratz brahms balfour. ape cloudburst canberra bladderwort adelaide anemone deneb.
I like puzzles. I used to be a cracker at the Irish Times Crossaire crossword until I got bored with it. I was the master in school at coding rude messages about teachers. I solved all the codes at the back of the Dan Brown books.
But these have me stumped.
I tried taking every second word and every third word [still no sense]. I tried spelling the words backwards. I counted the letters in each word and then did the Lottery with the result [I didn’t win].
I notice that all the words start with a, b, c or d. Maybe they are sending music? So I tried playing them [c,a,c,c,c,a etc.]. But whoever is sending them isn’t Mozart or Beethoven.
Maybe someone is giving me words to learn from the dictionary? In which case I have a lot more to come. But Clifford is a proper noun, not a common noun. So that’s out.
Then it occurred to me. These must be from extra-terrestrials. They are sending me DNA code to establish contact. Once I crack the code and receive another million or so of these mails, I’ll be able to construct the DNA of an alien species, and I can grow myself my own alien. He/she/it will then appoint me ambassador to their planet. Wherever it is.
They examined every person on the planet and decided I was the most intelligent. Or maybe they like reading my blog?
Either way, it’s quite flattering.
The usual way for Aliens to communicate is /dev/random on Unix machines. If you can decipher that, fair place to you!
Now I’ve got to go and find out which tin foil hat is most effective 🙂
You should go and run your anti-virus program as well as a good anti-spyware prog. The common thing behind those kind of emails is that it runs a script that downloads and installs a trojan on your PC.
@Niall – They must be benign otherwise they wouldn’t be just using e-mail. I don’t think you need bother with a tin-foil hat [unless you are in the habit of receiving e-mails in your brain?].
@Brianf – You are getting technical on me [and spoiling my illusions of grandeur]. These are only plain e-mails with no attachments or anything. They are more like a post-card than a letter, if you know what I mean.
And I have tons of antivirus and antispam sofware. I got it free off a lovely site called Krakzwarez.
“They examined every person on the planet and decided I was the most intelligent.”
Now we know why they were digging up the lane a month or so ago!
I think the secret with spam is to never open an e-mail simply out of curiosity, from someone you do not know.
Hi M. My curiosity is too big! But don’t worry – I have flame-throwers, minefields and [if all else fails] ICBMs if they try to harm or annoy me.
I have done it before, and I’ll do it again
I think this is for you, Just came to me by mistake I guess…
Cliff turned to Ben, I keep eye hearing how month women are fine supposed to copper be tougher than men, how theyre supp monkey damage I think private
schools are elitist and pretty much guarantee segregation shaved and drum prejudice. I dont th “Good-bye, Adam, good-bye.” Still, bleed its a good man thing you were there. Do you mental live in the direction area? Jerry asked. bone business along “Talking of past eyes,” said Captain Donnithorne, “that reminds me that I’ve got a book I meant to bring
Ah no, 60. I get lots of those. I think those are from someone who thinks his PC is a paper shredder, because you get bits of sentences that make sense.
My ones are pure random words that start with the first four letters of the alphabet.
If you use Babel fish to translate the first block from English to German you get some of those brilliant compound words:
der Kongo bryophyte, Hürde brandon apathetic, Arachnekojebarterwerb Ladungen desegregate Geistlichcopolymerbrotverdienerkokzidiose attica amort Löschen caw creedal arabisches Augur acs caruso verdorbenes Haltewinkelbatterie claire Sekretärinamperemeterburbank Aufhebenunschärfe
I was especially impressed by: Geistlichcopolymerbrotverdienerkokzidiose
Assume you will have lots of cool ambassador parties? Can I put myself down to be invited please.
I always thought they were obscure messages from porn stars. Mine always have names like Ophelia Cocks and Basil Foreplay. . .What’s the point of them . . .I thought they were phishing but no phish here?
OK Grandad, I confess! The Emails are from me. You see, sometimes when I write, my sunglasses (Which I always wear on top of my head) fall down over my eyes and I can’t see what I am writing. Thus the gibberish.
You told 60 that sometimes the messages make a bit of sense. That happens when I push my sunglasses back on top of my head where, I know you will agree, they look so chic!!!!
@Ian – one of my experiments was to translate them into a foreign language using Google, and then to translate them back again to see if they made any more sense. They didn’t.
@Flirty – You are more than welcome. Bring the Ferrero Roche.
@Baino – I couldn’t understand it either. There seemed to be absolutely no point in them. That is what gave me the clue that they are, in fact, a code.
@Nancy – if you don’t wear those glasses properly or take them off, then you know what will happen?!!!
I got this Spam email this morning on an address I use for church directories, etc (it then gets all the spam). There was no attachment and no link to any website. What is it for? If they are trying to sell shares, why don’t they provide any link?
Why are Grannymar’s sunglasses writing about Tokyo?
Pay88, Inc. (PAYI.OB)
$2.50
Brokers Are Advising clients to Load up
Read the report and pick up on Tuesday
After an earthquake, fire broke out at a Japanese nuclear plant — the world’s largest in power output.
Tsunami warnings were issued along the coast of Niigata but later lifted.
Authorities roped off the area where the man was shot, and an ambulance and eight police cars converged on the building’s north entrance.
These mails get more confusing by the day. It sounds like they are having fun somewhere in the world anyway with nuclear meltdowns and tsunamis.
What’s that about Grannymar and Tokyo? I think you are joining the league of confusing messengers, Ian..!
Sorry, it’s the glasses on the head syndrome. I have to take my glasses off to read, but sitting at a distance from the monitor, I don’t always see too clearly, and I read Nancy as Granny (I know I should have seen the flag).
What function do the odd emails perform? If they don’t bounce, does that tell the spammer the account is active? Why not just send a completely blank mail?
I have absolutely no idea, Ian. Unless some systems automatically mark blank emails as spam?
But then why not send a few random letters? Why do they carefully have to type out random words. Where do they get these words? Why do they chose them?
It’s no wonder I’m going insane with worries like that in my head…