Law and order will be restored
And I see in my absence the world has gone to the dogs.
My server attempted a takeover coup, which was unsuccessful, mainly to it not being able to spell ICBM. A little learning is a dangerous thing. I have forgiven it on the grounds that it has shown more initiative, gumption and balls than the Green Party. And the fact that it has somewhat inflated my coffers.
Mad Cow Harney is back destroying the Health Service. Ahern is appointing his pay-off cronies to high places. Dangerous criminals are being released from prison “by mistake”. And I hear Paris Hilton is on hunger strike? How do they know? Who gives a sh*t?
I honestly feel like the teacher who has nipped out of class for five minutes for a surreptitious fag hoping that the class can behave for a few minutes, only to return to discover that the classroom is on fire, and there are bodies everywhere. Can I not trust you all to do anything right without my guidance?
I’m back in the driving seat now, so you will all have to watch your backs.
As for myself? I had a great break thanks. It p*ss*d down most of the time, as I predicted, but I didn’t give a damn. I got p*ss*d too so that balanced things out. I only got drunk once [from Sunday evening to Thursday morning] so I behaved myself reasonably well. More on that anon.
On a side note, I switched on the wireless this morning. Ryan ‘Motor Mouth’ Tubridy thought he had discovered where I was staying. He moved his entire radio program over to The West to interview me. He thought he would catch me out. But I value my privacy and went before he arrived. So he had to make do with Peter O’Toole’s daughter instead. They broadcast from the remains of the pub where I had done some of my drinking.
You have to get up very early to catch Grandad out.
Oh, you were gone? I hope you had a good time. Welcome home!
What do you mean “you were gone”? Did you not notice the drastic drop in quality of Interweb content?
Thanks for the mention the other day BTW. Nice of you. Though you would have to direct people this way just when my server tries to take things into its own hands!
Good to have you back Grandad. T’internet needs a firm hand and a good clip round the ears to get back on track. Just look what happened to Mulley while you were frolicing in the west.
Now that you mention it, I have noticed the interweb was running with scissors and crossing the street without looking both ways this past week.
Thanks, Swiss Job.
Frankly Mulley took the wrong path. There is no point in writing e-mails or making phone calls. This called for direct action. OK, there might be some collateral damage from the nuclear fallout, but they wouldn’t bother him again.
It looks like I won’t be able to go on holidays for quite some time in the future, unless people start behaving themselves in my absence.
True, I find the “smart” bomb approach is the best option. Bascially drop shedloads of ordinance on their office and then call is smart afterwards!!
“drop shedloads of ordinance on their office and then call is smart afterwards”
Always works for me.
“I only got drunk once, from Sunday to Thursday morning”
Do you remember Dean Martin’s favorite saying?
“I feel sorry for a man who doesn’t drink. When he gets up in the morning, that’s as good as he’s gonna feel all day.”