I'm going up in the world
Some friends of mine are going to Nepal.
They don’t know it yet, but I’m going to cadge a lift off them, as I always wanted to go there.
I always thought it would be fun to climb Mount Everest.
I have climbed a few mountains in my time. I have climbed the Sugar Loaf in Wicklow quite a few times, and have climbed Kippure [well, actually, I drove there, but it’s the same thing]. The stairs here are quite steep so I’m used to steep slopes.
How hard can it be anyway? 30,000 feet? That’s only about six miles. I’m sure I can manage that if I sit down for a while every now and again to catch my breath. I’m not sure if Herself and Sandy are coming yet. Sandy enjoys a walk, but she’s a bit confused by snow. Herself might get a bit out of breath, but she can always get a taxi back down again.
I can borrow a tent off The Accidental Terrorist. I think one of his mates has one of those ones with separate bedrooms and a kitchen and all so we’ll be quite cosy if we have to spend a night there. And we’ll bring a hamper so we can have a picnic on the top while we enjoy the view.
So I must start walking to our nearby town. That’s about six miles away. And I can get the bus back if I get tired.
I don’t know what all the fuss is about.
Bring your cap when you go out to practice.
Remember how much you made the last time you sat in a doorway! With luck you might earn enough for the flight home.
Now I have an old comb and some tissue paper…
Grandad,
Is Everest not scattered with the detritus of the numerous expeditions? Would it not be like walking down O’Connell Street on a Sunday morning, you would be afraid of what you might put your foot in? And if you can fly over the top of it, why would you want to climb up it anyway?
“why would you want to climb up it anyway?”
Because it’s there.
[I’m going to be remembered by future generations for that witty reply]
If I meet anyone from previous expeditions, I’ll give them a hand down.
What’s the big fuss about anyway? It’s only a six mile walk.
And I will bring the cap, Grannymar. I’ll bring it on the practice walk to make a few bob, and on my climb because I believe it gets a bit chilly up there.
I have a spare Sherpah I can lend you. He’s a cannibal but he’s quite picky.
It’s OK thanks. If Herself comes, she can carry the tent. I’m a bit wary of cannibals.
Have you tackled the unclimable slopes of Bray Head?
No problem. Many times. I’ve also climbed the Little Sugar Loaf in Wicklow, so I am a really experienced mountain climber.
Word to the wise – If you intend climbing Everest, bring some terminal underwear. The cold is a killer.
But what about Global Warming? Isn’t it going to be nice and warm up there?
You’re right though. I’ll bring the old thermal terminal long-johns. Just in case. Good old Damart!!
Can I come along? I thought about mountain climbing once. That and the fact that I live at the top of a hill makes me pretty expierenced.
The more the merrier. It’s only a twelve mile round trip so it shouldn’t take too long.
You might have to make your own way there though as I’m not sure how big my friends’ van is.
Grandad,
You will find me at Base Camp One. I’ll be the one with the life sized cutout of Tenzing Norgay. You can have your picture taken with him and I will make you a 9×12 Glossy to commemerate your climb.
Granny will be so proud!!
Thanks, Nancy. I look forward to meeting you, and Mr. Norgay.