How I learned to love the devil
I have been gradually introducing you to members of the family.
I have mentioned The Daughter a few times. It’s time she had a post of her own.
She has cropped up here a few times, not only in passing mentions, but also in the comments. She calls herself ‘Offspring’ which is fair enough.
She was a bruiser from the outset. After a very difficult birth, she popped out at 11 pounds. Her first act in this world was to lash out with her foot and kick the side out of the incubator they had put her in. This was a sign of things to come?
She was a lovely child. Very sweet and intelligent. Everyone loved her.
Then the teenage years arrived!
She turned into the child from hell.
We were prepared for teenage stroppy spells, but nothing could have prepared us for this.
She drove us to drink. She drove us to drugs. We tried to have her adopted. I even brought Herself to the doctor and asked for an abortion. Unfortunately, when he discovered the foetus was seventeen years old he declined. We tried everything, but she just got worse.
She knew everything. She was rude. She was abusive. She lied like a politician. She did everything in her power to make life a misery.
She moved out in the end. Strangely, it broke our hearts. It is amazing how parental love will survive the worst onslaught.
She has grown out of that now. It is like a beautiful butterfly emerging from an ugly chrysalis. She is a different person.
She is warm. She is funny. She is loving. She is caring. She is beautiful. She is talented. She is the most wonderful of mothers to her two children, one of whom is handicapped. She is also extremely modest. She will probably be furious at this post.
The local authority are building her a specially adapted house because of our grandson. As fate or coincidence or whatever would have it, it is very close to us. It is nearly finished. We can’t wait for her to move in.
I am going to try to get her into this Blogging lark. If I can succeed with Herself, I hope I can succeed with Offspring. She has a great talent for writing and a great sense of humour as I said.
The only problem is that if I do succeed, she will totally outshine Grandad and Granny and we will vanish into blogging obscurity.
Grandad
Like me, you and Granny are paid up members of the survivors club.
The grey hair and wrinkles earned over the years rearing ‘our darlings’ give us free reign to embarrass them now.
The ‘Offspring’ sounds like a loving well balanced person now. I look forward to her joining our world of Blogging.
Well written, nice piece.
We’ve three daughters. They drive us to drink also…but in a useful way – they can all drive cars now.
I’m often compared to King Lear with three daughters. So I’m in a house of four females including my wife. My friends say “Blessed art though amongst women”.
We had a male hamster, but he died. We’ve now a male rabbit but he’s poor at male bonding. So I put up with girl power, I know my place.
My parents have taken the SKI approach to their later years – spending kids inheritance.
Yes, John. This has always been a female house. Herself, Offspring, Sandy. I never learned how to determine the sex of goldfish, but doubtless they are female too. I feel lonely sometimes!!!
And when we went on holiday last year I told Offspring we were going to SKI. She hadn’t heard the expression before, and was not best pleased!
🙂
Wait a second – you said Herself started without your assistance!
Anyway, it’s good to see that your daughter got past the hormaonal rages of teenagehood and turned into a model adult. Gives me hope for my generation in future.
THough some of us may need miracles to change …
Dario – first lesson in dealing with females – if they come up with a good idea, you claim credit for it.
😉
You think there is hope for you yet?
Your ears may be feeling hot. I wrote about you and your gang today on my blog, hopefully affectionately, at least that was my intention!
Hope for me? Probably, naivety disappears with age, I’m sure.
I’m talking about the gangs of young hoodlums roaming the streets of Cavan.
Dear God, I sound older than you!
Did you never have to do that damned essay they used to trot out regularly in school – “The child is father to the man. Discuss”?
True maturity kicks in at around 25. Enjoy your youth, but be kind to your parents.
Now I’m scared! Our first is due in November and I’m scared and excited in almost equal measures.
I’m half tempted to start blogging about it so maybe I can use it as shaming ammunition for the years to come 🙂
Robert. Do not be scared. Just keep thinking of your old age when they will have to look after you.
Think of it as an investment.
And why not start blogging?????
Grandad,
The most important thing I learned by raising four children was this:
BY THE TIME YOU CAN STAND THEM, THEY CAN”T STAND YOU !!!!!
The most worrying car sticker I ever saw said,
“Be kind to your kids,
they will choose your nursing home”
We are going to choose our own nursing home. And we will probably sell the house and lands to pay for it. Unless of course Offspring would like to look after us?
😉 🙂
Thanks for the mention. Cheque’s in the post.
I hope it’s not too windy up there on that pedestal…
You might find that proximity is in inverse proportion to patience however. While far far away down here in boggerland, I have all of those lovely qualities, yet living 10 minutes from your door you might find I’m still the same roaring BEE-ATCH I’ve been all along…
I’m still waiting to see if blogging is a fad. I don’t get in on these things (eg. Sudoku) on principle because I hate to be in fashion.
I was wondering when you’d turn up!!
There will of course be rules and regulations stipulated.
You will drive your Dad to the pub if he feels like a pint. You will drive your Mum into town if she feels like a shopping spree. We might do a bit of babysitting, but no more than an hour a month. If we kill the odd lamb, you can cook it for us, and you can have the bones for your dog.
Blogging has gone out of fashion. No one does it any more. Ask any blogger. It is old hat. It is dead. So it is safe for you to start now. OK?
Hey Offspring, I got in because I read a story about a soldier who blogged in Iraq back in August; I wasn’t inspired by twenty Major like many other people, Twenty’s become a victim of his own celebrity, in my eyes.
Took your advice.
Registered a domain and set up a blog that may in the years to come shame my first born. If anything else I hope it will provide me with memories that will always be special for good or bad..
OhMyGod!! What have I done?
Ah! I’m delighted Futuredad. The only problem you have now is that you are going to have to change your name and domain in the future to Imnowadad and ithasbegun.eu!!
P.S. I like the painting on your site!
I’ve already thought about that. I was thinking of registering another domain name but i figured that having a profanity in the name would not be a good idea 🙂
Believe it or not but that painting on my site is actually a scan of an old postcard. It is an old historical one of my home town from around the early 1900’s I think.