In a surprise move yesterday, George W Bush admitted that Global Warming may be a problem.
Speaking on the White House Lawn, which was flooded at the time up to the president’s knees, he announced that
“Polar Bears which are those cuddly little brown things that eat gum leaves, are in danger of extinction, and we must do something about it”
As winds of over 160 mph swept across the lawn, he continued
“We are informed that the polar caps are melting and this has something to do with the climate. If we can locate the base from which these climate people are operating from, then we will launch an all out war on Climate Change. No country that shelters these climate terrorists will be safe. You are either for us or against us.”
Mopping his brow in the unseasonal 110 degree temperature he said
“The Department of Homeland Security has advised us that we can provide some measure of defense by cutting down on our carbon dioxide emissions. Our scientists still maintain that variations in the climate are natural cycles, but we have now been informed by intelligence sources that the threat is real.”
As temperatures dropped to -40 degrees he smiled blankly at the cameras and announced his new measures.
“As a gesture to thwart our enemies, we are going to prohibit all unnecessary car journeys of less than 100 yards. I am also proposing that all our missiles be adapted to use eco-friendly fuel. Also we are going to run a campaign to encourage people to fly rather than drive.”
Brushing four inches of snow off the podium, he went on to outline how he also intended to limit the shooting of polar bears to ten kills per hunter per day.
“We have been experiencing an unseasonal and severe drought for the last minute, but I would ask people not to panic. We will win this war on Climate Terrorism. Any country outside the US that supports these terrorists by using cars or burning fossil fuels will feel the wrath of the American People. We will invade”
Speaking through a dense fog which had suddenly descended upon the White House, President Bush urged the American People to stand by his war on Eco-Terrorism. He announced that he was drafting the entire population into the army.
“We will prevail” he shouted, as he was sucked away by a tornado.