Herself has just read my last post [Does my bum look big in this?] God help me.

She is now standing behind me with a nasty looking carving knife and is insisting that I take dictation, as she wishes to say something here. I take no responsibility whatsoever. If there are spelling mistakes, it’s because the knife looks damn sharp and I’m nervous.

Don’t be fooled by Himself – The Blacky Lacey bit was for him.

I blame myself really. He has been acting strangely for the past few months. As it happened I had just read an article claiming that men over a certain age had symptoms of the menopause. I thought back to Coronation Street a while ago [for those of you who have a life and don’t follow the serial, it was about the death of Fred the Butcher, who on his wedding morning and while visiting his bit on the side, went and had a heart attack and died]. Himself cried himself to sleep that night.

I took action. When I was making the porridge next morning I ground up my H.R.T. and stirred it in his bowl. I added brewers yeast for the nerves. A good spoonful of brown sugar and he was none the wiser. After a few weeks he was a new man! In fact we watched the new adaptation of Jane Eyre and he didn’t shed a tear when Jane’s only friend at the orphanage died of pneumonia!

Unfortunately he has developed a lovely little pair. Hence the lingerie.

I think it is for the greater good.

She is gone now, so I can deny it all. It is a pack of lies and I will swear on the Bible that I never cried at Coronation Street. I mean, would I? You all know me now. I may be old, but I’m still a man. But she is right about the boobs. I did wonder where they came from….