Today is Friday the 13th.
I'm not worried [nor even superstitious] as I had all my bad luck last night.
I don't know what came over me but I made a mistake that damn near killed me.
You see, Herself wasn't around [off brewing spells or something] and I had control of the remote control [why can’t they invent a remote control for a remote control so I can control the television when Herself has the main remote control?]. I started flicking through the channels – all thousand of 'em in the remote chance that there might be something interesting on.
I accidentally flicked into the Eurovision circus.
Fuck me but I have never seen anything like it! It was car-crash television at its very worst. Words can't describe just how appalling it was. It started off with two presenters who thought they were hilariously funny. They weren't. They were an embarrassment to the human race. I turned the sound down.
I suppose I watched for about ten minutes [with the sound barely audible] and decided enough was enough – my ears had begun to bleed and I realised I was absent mindedly trying to pluck my eyeballs out.
I went back to flicking through the channels. I skipped such intellectual heavyweights as "Sex sent me to ER", "16 and pregnant", "My wife was a murderer" and various other programmes designed to be "shocking" or "horrifying". I skipped the dozens of repeats [of repeats of repeats] and eventually switched off.
Herself came back later and switched the box on again. She found the Eurovision car-crash again. I said nothing.
They were doing some kind of voting [I think] and playing snatches of all the caterwauling I had fortuitously missed. Herself started screaming so I switched it off before she had another stroke.
I noticed however that Ireland has apparently failed to make the cut [which is actually something to be very proud of] but Australia is through to the final.
I thought they meant Austria, but no, it was in fact Australia.
When the fuck did Australia become part of Europe?
Nobody tells me nothing.