Pokemon Go

I confess I am not really a computer games enthusiast.

There are nearly 2,000 free games in the Linux repositories just waiting to be played, from simple card games up to full blown flight simulators and everything in between, but I just couldn't be bothered with them.

I could never understand the joy of sitting in front of a screen all day, looking down the barrel of a gun and shooting anything that moves, yet there are tens of thousands who seem to devote their lives to it.  It's much more fun to head up the valleys and take pot shots at tourists, where the air is fresh, the heather is soft and the screams from the tourists are far more authentic.

As for the mobile phone – I once downloaded Angry Birds which was worth a chuckle for an hour but then I wiped it again.  It takes a hell of a lot of effort just to dial a number on my mobile so gaming just isn't on.

But now everyone is talking about Pokemon Go.

I have seen quite a few mentions of it in various places but from what I can gather it really sounds like one of the best games ever invented.

Apparently the game consists of using your mobile phone to walk around actual streets to find little imaginary things lurking in corners.  Can you not see the incredible genius behind this concept?   Walking around while concentrating hard on your mobile screen?  Traffic?  Edges of cliffs?  Steep drops?  Lakes?  The mind boggles at the ingenuity of the inventors – it is the ultimate Nerd Culling Device!

I thought I had better do a little research before writing this and found a video that talks about the game.  It was a glimpse into another universe where the language is vaguely familiar but the expressions used were totally alien.  This universe is apparently populated with a species whose life consists of running around poking at little images on a lump of plastic and metal and getting some sort of religious thrill from it all.

Then it struck me.  These people are the future of humanity; the future leaders of industry; the potential politicians and lawmakers.  Even worse, they will presumably mate with others of their kind and spawn future generations of mindless idiots.

This is where the sheer genius of the software writers comes in.  How do you cull a section of the population who are visually similar but mentally way out there with the morons?  Why, you write a piece of software that encourages them to walk off bridges or under a bus.  Perfection!

I thought I would include the video I found but I must warn you – it is a scary place, as it gives a glimpse into the incredibly weird mind of modern yoof.  I confess I couldn't watch it all myself as I began to get a headache and there was drool coming out the corner of my mouth after a minute or two.

I give you Pokemon Go.  The ultimate and brilliant Culling Machine.

It really sould be called Darwin Go.

 

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Comments

Pokemon Go — 14 Comments

  1. Apparently there are moves afoot to classify Pokemon as a religion. I shit you not!

    We could always set the Jedi on them I suppose?

    • "Where one or more shall gather in my name"? 

      I suppose it's no more insane that the Church of Climate Change or the Church of Health?

  2. Grandad,
    I note in the video none of those dudes are speaking English; it seems they prefer to communicate in Like…
    As, apparently, this is coming to our streets, I really do need to stay in more.

    • I wonder if Google does a translate?  It does bear a distant resemblance to English as you will hear the odd familiar word.  Like, awesome… Dooood.

  3. It isn't called Pokemon GO for nothing! There's a clue in the title.  If they'd called it "Go Potentially Top Yourself " it doesn't have the same ring.  It also collects all your Go-ogle account details though they say they're fixing that.  One wonders if they'll delete all the details they collected before they fixed it??  As for this Poke generation spawning the next nerds, with all the media promoting transgender nonsense they'll all be having their bits cut off and render themselves infertile in their "augmented reality".  Cool, awesome, shite – pick an adjective that fits! 

    • I saw that all right about Google.  Want to know everything about everyone?  Just invent a computer game where all information is gladly given.  Or invent Farcebook!

      I wonder what would happen if they developed a 3-D version of Pokemon where people had to wear goggle things all the time?  Then the cull would really begin!

  4. Oh! I just commented on this very phenomenon… Buggers were poking about looking for Pokemon bats in my buddleia last night.

  5. Such computer games are for men with adult bodies and teen boys' minds. They'd be better occupying their spare time cleaning up street rubbish for the summer tidy towns contest. Or they could get together and play darts and snooker at the local pubs.

  6. Well there’s one in NZ who, rather bored with life as a bartender and barista, has quit his job to devote his life to playing the game!

    And his Mummy and Daddy seemingly support him!

    However there seems to be no risk whatsoever of this perckerwill ever gaining any form of productive employment.

    Doubtless at some point their social security equivalent will wish to know why he’s claiming unemployment benefit. Certainly NZ taxpayers have the right to know.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/36814165/man-in-new-zealand-quits-his-job-to-play-pokemon-go-full-time

    Just wish I’d bought shares in Nintendo. They’re up 53%!

    • God help humanity if he ever gets around to breeding.  So he says his Daddy always knew he'd be famous?  Well, there's fame and there's fame.  In his shoes I'd rather stay anonymous, just in case I ever decided to return to the human race.

  7. Natural selection at work, once again.

    Bad enough that taking a bus through the CBD of my city here in West. Aus. can nearly take out two mindless fools on their pheuns in just 100m. Heaven forbid what this game might do!

  8. Natural selection the great leveler, removing the wheat from the chaff and the dozy scrotes from the gene pool….. 

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