One of the [many] things that pisses me off about the Interweb is online polls.

They are completely meaningless yet for some strange reason people seem to believe they are valid.  I suppose that's what comes of having a generation that believes everything it reads on the Interweb?

Why are they meaningless?

Well, for a start, anyone can sign 'em.  All it takes is a few moments without any thought whatsoever.  In a real election, I have to go to the trouble of traveling to the polling station to make my mark so it is a thought out process.  I'm not going to waste that effort on a random choice.  But an online vote requires a miniscule bit of typing in a moment of idleness with zero verification of who I actually am.  In a lot of cases, it is simply one twitch of a finger to click my mouse.

Take for example the current panic over the poll demanding a second Brexit.  For some reason the meeja are actually swallowing this as if it were the genuine wish of the British people.  All the major television and paper outlets seem to have fallen for it with excited headlines such as "EU referendum petition signed by more than 2.5m" [from the BBC] and "Brexit: Petition calling for second EU referendum reaches three million" [The Independent].  As I write, the figure on the petition site is rapidly approaching the 3.7 million mark and will doubtless exceed 4m during the day.

Are they really taking this seriously?  The site is obviously being loaded with false data [I signed it for the craic posing as someone from Antarctica – no problems – no verification].  In fact the votes are coming in so fast it can only be an automated script that is pushing up the figures.  Only now are the meeja starting to cop on and question its veracity.

The Interweb is as mindless as the modern generation that believes in it.  Have you got a headache?  Look up Dr Google and discover you have a brain tumour [and not a hangover].  Is Third Hand Smoke dangerous?  Look to your friend Mr Google and discover it's more deadly than plutonium.  Should you believe something posted on Farcebook?  Just count the number of "likes".

[I just took a break from typing for a few minutes and notice that the referendum petition is now well over the 3.7 million mark.  Yeah.  Right!]

The golden rule of the Interweb is to question everything.  If I want a diagnosis of some symptoms I will read only "expert" sites and discount virtually all of them.  If I want an expert opinion on something I will research the experts before I take their word for it.  If something looks suspicious then there is a 99.99% chance that it is.  But how often do you read comments from people who have fallen hook line and sinker for some piece of obvious crap?  All too often.

I have a good mind to start a petition myself.

"They are killing kittens!  Please sign my petition to stop these evil people"

I guarantee I'd get the votes.


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Poll my hole — 11 Comments

    • So do I but some people seem to like 'em.

      Maybe I'll start a second parallel one – "They are killing puppies!  Please sign my petition to stop these evil people"

  1. Having read your skewed piece Mister, I did a quick poll of the good residents of suburban Mayfield, here in Cork and only one pollster agreed with your observations. Yes, a staggering 3.7 million of the people I polled locally think you're full of shit, so there!

      • No, you first have to have a another poll asking people whether they think the previous poll was corrupted by fraudulent voting or not. Then you can have a poll about a possible re-poll of the first poll etc and so-on.

  2. Already 73 British expats living in Timbuctoo have signed the petition demanding a Brexit 2 referendum. A rerun of a first referendum that produces the 'wrong' result could be called an Irish solution to a British problem. Send that to the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations.

  3. Better get that campaign going for an Irexit referendum soon, Gramps!  Just take a look at which bit of their Great Plan the EU are now considering expediting in order to prevent anyone else escaping:

    Admittedly, it's the Daily Express, and they're never short of histrionics – they could rival the Daily Mail for that, but still – where there's smoke there's fire and all that …

    • The Daily Express is consistently informative on horse racing, so the sports pages are for gambling men. Its politics are steeped in the good old days of the Raj. Bollox wallah.

  4. There's been a few down London with 'I'm not British, I'm European', which is smashing, because these are just the wallies we wish to be rid of. Hoping if London does not succeed in becoming an independent 'special state on special measures', that these people will, with speed, shift off to the nation of Europe, where they will get what they want: no nationality, no borders, just what Paddington Bear would have wanted (Paddy's been used on posters for the new utopia of One World).  Then when in a fix, they'll realise 'Europe' is not a nationality, and the Titanic affords limited options for future prosperity.  I don't live in London, but it's been on the telly. I don't think it's a wind-up, for no-one thinking to film a joke would go so far as to put blue hair dye on a 20-something yr-old.  Blue rinse, I ask you!

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