When I first moved here, I had a brilliant connection to the Interweb.
It was a 56K modem.
Many happy days were spent watching a simple file download, while Herself spat feathers as I was tying up the phone line. It was cheap because I had somehow [*cough*] discovered a special line that the phone engineers used to test connectivity. In other words, it cost me nothing.
After a couple of years they must have discovered my little ploy because they changed the password.
So I started on an expedition to find myself a wee drop of broadband. I phoned the phone company. Oh, how they laughed! "Broadband?" says they. "You must be fucking joking! Yiz live up the fucking mountains so just put that little idea out of your head for at least a century,"
After a year or so of expensive [and therefore rare] dialing into the Interweb I heard of a company that was installing a wireless kind of setup. They were in Skobieville which is miles away, but I phoned them anyway. Oh how they laughed! "A connection?" says they. "You must be fucking joking! Yiz live fucking miles away so just put that little idea out of your head for at least a century,"
I persisted. I told them I could see their mast on a very clear day and if I used a very powerful pair of binoculars. They eventually sent out an engineer, obviously to try to get rid of me. But said chappie found that I actually had a signal. I signed up, and they installed a mast on the house. I had broadband!
A year or so after that my connection suddenly stopped working. I phoned them. "Ah yes" says they, "We twiddled the mast so it no longer points in your direction. Tough shit. We'll send someone out to collect all the equipment and it was nice knowing you."
Sure enough, a week or so later, a van arrived to remove the aerial and all the other shit. I told 'em to fuck off. I told 'em that there was another mast that they had just erected and it was much nearer. Oh how they laughed! They said that mast wasn't visible from my house and they fucked off, but at least I kept the equipment as I wouldn't let them on the roof.
I rang the company. I told them about the new mast [in case they didn’t know] and how I wanted to be connected to that. They said it wasn't visible from my house. I sent them a photograph of their mast taken from my roof. They sent out an engineer and he relocated my equipment and gave me my broadband back.
I have been using it now for many years. It's solid and reliable. It is supposed to give me 3Mb [down and up] and in practice it's just that. Never varies. Always constant.
I have a problem though.
As the years passed a load of trees have grown up and are about to block my line of sight. Nature is about to deny me a connection, and there is fuck all I can do about it except install higher and higher masts on my roof.
There is a steel cabinet out on the road. It's quite handy as I can stand on it to cut part of the hedge. I discovered recently that this is in fact a fibre cabinet and if I connect to it I will get 100mb. The ony problem is that it isn't working just yet. They say it will be in operation within the year.
If I connect to it, it will cost a fair bit more, but for the price I can do away with the phone and probably the satellite, so there would be a net profit at the end of the year. In fact I would save quite a bit and get a really fast connection.
I'm happy with my 3Mb. It suits my needs and I couldn't normally justify the connection, except that I would be saving a bit and I wouldn't have to worry about those damned trees.
So it's just a question now of who gets there first.
The fibre connection or the trees.