A long time ago I watched a film called Star Wars.

As far as I remember it was a mediocre film with some impressive special effects but I remember little else about it.  It was that kind of film.

Then they started pumping them out on a regular basis with sequels and prequels [fucking hate that word] and to be honest I never bothered with any of them.  There were far better fantasy and science fiction films ot there so I watched those instead.

Now we have all the fuss and palaver over the latest in this never ending saga and people are screaming "must see" and "amazing" and "fantastic", though thankfully I haven't yet seen "awesome".  To coincide with this latest frenetic release Sky have even dedicated a Star Wars channel where all the films are available for download, and they stick on a new one each night for ordinary viewing.  More out of idle curiosity than anything else I picked one at random the other night and watched a bit of it.

Frankly it all seemed a bit disjointed.  There were so many things about it that annoyed me such as troopers using weapons that fire bolts of light instead of bullets [for fucks sake, they can build intergalactic spaceships but they can’t come up with a decent weapon?] and the usual lark of the bad guys missing with every shot but the good guys hitting their target every time.  And they have robots that apparently run on wheels that have no problems with soft sand? 

Anyhows, I watched it for about twenty minutes and got more confused with each minute.  Eventually a particular scene came on and I realised this was the film I had seen all those years ago, which just goes to show how eminently memorable it was?  I switched off.

So what about this new film?  Will I go to see it?  No.  Will I watch it if it comes to television?  No.  I have better ways of spending my remaining years and watching that film would be two and a quarter hours of my time that would be forever lost.

So I'm sorry Supershadow.  I know you somehow think all this is real and I respect that.

Just don't expect me to become a jedi.

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Star Squib — 10 Comments

  1. As a matter of fact, Gramps, I've seen the film and it's like, totally, awesome!!

    That's a lie, actually.  I haven't seen it, don't intend to see it, and won't even bother watching it when it comes round on TV.  I just wanted to get that word in because it's just, like, a totally awesome word … Whoops, there it is again …

  2. Dammit! Do I have to do this again? I saw it at the weekend and thought is was really quite good. I've always been a big fan of the original trilogy though.


    But what do I know? I like Garth Brooks…

    • Now you have put your finger on the problem.  The original trilogy?  Apparently there are nine films, and the one I saw was [I think] the original, but that is down as Episode IV, while Episode I was released 22 years later.  That doesn't make sense.  So what are the original three?  And in what order should they be watched? 

      • Only just read your reply. Busy Christmas and stuff. The watching / release order is:

        Episode IV

        Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

        Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

        Episode I, II and III which are the modern ones (The Prequel Trilogy) and are pants

        Episode VII: The new one


        Merry Christmas!

        • Now that is what I call logic at its finest.  Why not stick 1, 2 and 3 between 6 and 7?  I remember the good old days where we foolishly put 1, 2 and 3 before 4.  How naïve we were!

          I suppose one of these years I may get around to watching them when I am extremely desperate, but for the moment I'll leave them on hold.

          Many Merry Returns!

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