Howya God!

Ah, hello Grandad.  Keeping well.

Is that a question or a statement?

Statement.  I don't ask many questions as I know all the answers.

It has been quite a while since our last chat?

You forget we have no time Up Here, so saying "quite a while" makes no sense.

Ah.  I forgot.  How does that work exactly, if there is no such thing as time?

It's really quite simple.  Everything happens all in the same instant.  At this instant, I am creating the Universe, destroying it and looking after it in between.  It all happens simultaneously.  It means we can't do the Lottery though as we can't do our numbers before they announce the results.

So how come we have time?  I could have sworn it is a couple of years since our last chat?

I gave you time so as to make things easier.  You can take things in sequence.  It gives your feeble brains a chance to rest between problems.  As for our last conversation, we're having it right now, though you may not be aware of it.

Fuck!  That is weird!

I move in mysterious ways, my son.  Anyway you didn't come up here to pass the time [*snigger*].

No.  I wanted to ask about Facebook.  People keep sticking up photographs of sick children and saying that if people "like" the photograph and comment with an "amen" that it will somehow cure the child.  I was just wondering if that worked?

Don't make me laugh.  That Facebook is the invention of Yer Man Down Below.  He did it to show me that my invention of humans wasn't perfect.  He's a right little devil, so he is.  I have to confess he has a point though.  It is quite amazing the number of humans that are willing to share their most intimate details with everyone, and even more amazing the number of people who think a cat with a sour face is the funniest thing on earth.  As for all those people passing prayers around, chanting amens and who think that a number of likes determines that child's health, well they are just near the top of the list of my greatest failures.  What kind of simple moron do they take me for?  It's quite insulting actually, though I can't openly admit it because the Devil would just think he'd won.

I thought as much.  By the way, any chance you'd have the numbers for next week's Euro Millions lottery?

I told you.  There is no "next week" Up Here.  All the lottery draws in Earth's history are being announced at this instant and I'll be damned if I am going to sort out which one you're looking for, so fuck off back to Earth and leave me alone.  I have enough on my plate running the entire Universe.

Fair enough.

Jesus checking Facebook

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Amen and pass it on — 8 Comments

    • Because he wouldn't tell me.  He'd claim I was taking advantage of our friendship, which is what he says every time I ask him something to my advantage.

  1. Brilliant! I try to explain space-time to people and to explain that past, present and future are a convenient illusion, and that there is no deja vu and no ghosts, and I get strange looks!

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