Come back Postman Pat

"They have it, therefore we must have it."

This is the age old cry from our gubmint whenever they want to introduce something really daft, be it minimum pricing on something or some new crazy law.  For some reason they have never used the excuse to introduce gas chambers or stoning, but I suppose it's just a matter of time.

Their latest great scheme to be introduced solely on the basis that "every other country has it" [which I doubt] is the infamous Postal Code.

They have spent years on this project, and €27 million out of money that we don't have, to come up with a system which has been generally hailed as utterly useless.  The most vociferous opponent of the scheme is our own postal system which sort of says a lot?

So €27 million euro on, and the scheme is finally being rolled out.  Let's have a look at how it works.

Let's take a simple example.  Suppose I want to write to my pension scheme administrator.  Their address is Admin Building, RTE, Donnybrook, Dublin 4.  The code that has been assigned is D04P297.

Now suppose I want to write to the canteen in RTE which is right beside the Admin Building?  Their code is D04KC99.  Note the similarity?  No?  Nor do I.  Apart from the D04 bit [which presumably covers the Dublin 4 postal district containing many parishes] there is no logical connection.

Suppose I want to write to the Radio Centre?  Well, I can't because they don't have a code so no more writing in for requests on your favourite radio programme!  Write to the canteen and order a sticky bun instead.

Now suppose I am writing to my pensions mob and instead of using D04P297, I make a mistake and use D04P298, my highly confidential and important correspondence is going to end up in a company on Anglesea Road.  Nice.  I can kiss that letter goodbye.  D04P296 drops my urgent missive into a block of apartments in a road I have never heard of!

They say that the great benefit of the system is that it will allow for pinpointing a location for an ambulance or fire brigade crew.    OK, the first three letters of the code will lead them into an area several miles across, but where do they go from there?  Unless they have extremely accurate SatNav systems that have a 100% reliable connection to a database, they are fucked.  And are people supposed to rummage through all those old bills in all their drawers looking for their code [which they know is there because they saw it only last month], while the roof burns down over their heads?

And suppose I am driving along and come across an accident?  I phone the ambulance and they request the code?  Hah!  "Sorry mate, haven't a clue.  Forget it."

"Ireland now has a postcode system, which will make all our lives a little bit easier and a little bit better."

What???  How is a useless code going to make my life easier and better?  Fucking hell!  If they want to make my life a lot easier and immeasurably better they can stop coming up with all these crazy ideas and stop spending my fucking money.  In fact if they really want to improve my life beyond measure they can all fuck off to North Korea.

So why are they so keen on this new system?  Why do I have my usual niggling suspicions?

Anyhows they say the new system isn't compulsory.

That's fine.

I'll just ignore it.

Another €27,000,000 down the drain.

Methinks it's time to nuke D02A272?

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Come back Postman Pat — 14 Comments

  1. What I find difficult to comprehend is how the fuck do they manage to spend €27,000,000 on something that a couple of schoolboys could work out in a couple of afternoons?

    I realise that they've gone to massive lengths to make it as complex and unwieldy as possible, so perhaps I could grant them a couple of undergraduates working on it for a week, but twenty seven fucking million? What the fuck did they do with it all?

      • That's Susan Sarandon, right? She was much nicer as a nun in Dead Man Walking. She exuded a joi-de-vivre in the road movie Thelma & Louise. But if she nukes the ghost estate in my town I'll forgive her.

  2. I reckon it is because your mob of synchophants have to use the EU Gallileo GPS project which has been a disaster from the start. Apparently it is capable of tracking every vehicle simultaneously on the roads in Europe down to a depth of 15 meters, ( so the tunnels under the alps are fucked then ). You have to wonder what can possibly go wrong?

  3. My house on my street is the only one with a number on the door. If the postman wants to deliver bills and other unwelcome mail he drives 25 metres along the street west from the post office, swings sharp right into a lane that skirts the side of McGuff's supermarket, stops at a crossroads then drives about 100 metres up the facing lane until he sees a block of terraced semi-detached houses. Number 4 [with a big 4 on the front door] is the fourth house along [a knowledge of basic maths helps] , and there is no pet dog around. All he has to do is trundle up the front garden footpath and shove letters through my bleeding letterbox. As for the town where I live, shur everybody knows it's in the north-east of the county about 24km from a certain city the tourists stop to have their lunches in. Who needs fancy codes; who needs Satnav; who needs the CIA or Mossad to find my home? Our town has a ghost estate, a closed garda barracks, a corner convenience shop that closed ten years ago when the owner died, and one thriving funeral home. Dying is the only viable business in our town and many others. They could have spent the 27 million more effectively on us. And every town house in the country should have a number on the front door.

    • Damn!!  It sounds like you live next door to me [judging by those directions]?  I'm in No 5, though the number has never been used, nor does it appear anywhere except on the old key  that came with the house.  Call in for a cuppa sometime.

    • Heh! Here where I live, I have a five digit postcode which covers pretty much all the north of the island. We don't have street names, and no house numbers either. Post goes to the local sub-post office just up the road, where I have to go to collect it. These days, if it's registered or a parcel, the postman knows my mobile number and calls me. We usually arrange to meet up either at the main post office in the area, or at his son's grill restaurant, where he will give me the goods in exchange for a signature. It's all rather informal.

      Most of my bills these days are paperless, and just plonk themselves in my inbox to await my attention.

  4. 27 million!?!!  WTF?  Our entire country has Zip Codes, a simple 5 digit number.  Mine is 17110.  I grew up in 17109 and some where in Minnesota or Wisconsin or one of those states you harbor a little doubt whether they exist or not is the Zip Code 12345.  Every one knows that Beverly Hills, Ca is 90120.  I want to know who got the 27 million!

  5. No, "every other country" doesn't have postcodes.  Hong Kong doesn't and neither (I think) does Nigeria!  Yet, mysteriously, the post still seems to get there somehow.  Goodness me!  I wonder how they do it – perhaps they employ people (yes, real people) who – err – know where folks live …

  6. I suspect a huge transfer of 'public money' into private pockets/wallets/accounts/ has taken place now which organisation is better placed than the mafia t achieve such feats aka government…of the people by the people for the people or so the fairy tale goes.

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