Killing time

So now they reckon our sitting room fire is killing us?

Apparently our coal and turf fires are killing us by the thousand.

Can anyone answer on simple question?  Why should I give a flying fuck?  Isn't it just another lethal killer to add to the myriad of other lethal killers according to "research"?

Let's look at this whole problem of finding things that kill us "prematurely".  Let's eliminate all possible causes of harm and place ourselves firmly in the hands of the Nanny State.

OK.  We have forsaken all tobacco and alcohol, and are living on a strict diet of organic fruits and nuts and freezing our balls off because any heating you care to mention causes some kind of detrimental effect on our health.

But hang on….  We can't eat anything that has grown outdoors because the ground is contaminated with all the fallout from the thousands of nuclear tests.  In fact we have to remove about six feet of topsoil from the entire planet and somehow dump it in space.  You can't be too careful in the Nanny State.  That means we have to grow our own food indoors hydroponically.  But we can't because the water is contaminated with lead, floride, chlorine, arsenic and other assorted lovelies so we have to somehow distil rainwater [without any power].  We also have to find some method of filtering out any volcanic dust or whatever might be floating up there.

But what's this?  We have dumped all that topsoil but there is still radiation coming from somewhere?  Damn!  We have to strip mine all igneous rock in case it contains natural radiation and we have to dump that in space also.  Just to be on the safe side we had better dump all metamorphic rock too?  You can't be too careful, etc etc.

So here we are, huddled in our freezing houses with nothing to eat or drink.  Maybe we should move to somewhere warmer, not that there is much land left having dumped most of it into space and wherever we move has to have little or no sunlight [damned Ultraviolet!].  But there's no transport.  All transport has been banned because of emissions.  So we have to stay put and stare at the walls, with the ony comfort we have left – the knowledge of eternal life.

But people are still dying!

I had forgotten about disease.

OK.  So somehow they miraculously manage to eradicate all disease [and that had to be done without using water, power of chemicals, don’t forget].

But still we die?

For the sake of the exercise, we'll ignore the 80% of the world's population who have topped themselves from sheer boredom and hunger [though strictly speaking 25% of those didn’t actually kill themselves – they were eaten by their starving relatives].  If they aren't willing to play the Nanny Game, that's their loss and anyway we are used to ignoring figures that don't fit our experiments.  What the hell is killing the survivors?

What's this?  Cancers?  Heart failures?  Organs packing up left right and centre?  How can that be?  We have eradicated every theoretical cause of cancer and everyone is leading the healthiest possible life [apart from being dehydrated, starving and frozen] so where are those coming from?

Could it be just old age?

Does anyone know how to stop time?

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Killing time — 4 Comments

    • Fucking WordPress!!  For some reason it bunged in a couple of extra spaces.  Fixed [on the other comment].

  1. The Irish Times again

    In a world where digital services are now regarded as almost as crucial as water, Google has taken the world by storm because of its great services and compelling business proposition.

    Digital services almost as crucial as water for fucks sake. Written by the Irish Times Berlin 'correspondent' boggles the mind…


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