Herself was watching the television news last night.

Some reporter was waffling on about something, and I was paying little or no attention.

"Jayzus!" says Herself.  "Would ya look at the cut of yer wan. She looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards, and she has no dress sense.  That coat doesn't suit her at all."

"That's sexist" I replied. "You wouldn't say that if she were a bloke."

"Hypocrite!" says she, "You're always criticising people on that site of yours.  Look at the way you used to call Harney names."

"I merely called her a fat ugly cunt because she was fat and Minister for Health.  If she had been Minister for anything else I would have ignored her.  And I called Reilly a fat ugly cunt too for the same reason so you can't accuse me of being sexist."

"You're always calling people names.  In fact all you ever do is give out about people.  Why don't you write something decent?  Why can't you be positive?  Why can't you concentrate on people's good points?  No one wants to read that shite you put out every day".

"So what exactly do you want me to write about?"

"Write about me.  Write about Penny.  Put up photographs of the new Grandson.  Just be nice for a change."

"The last time I wrote about you you sulked for a week after.  All Penny does is sleep, eat and ask for the odd tummy-tickle.  And my site isn't the kind of place for sticking up cute photographs.  If people want cute photographs of babies and kittens and stuff they go to Farcebook.  That's what Farcebook is for."

"So write about yourself then.  Write about your true emotions.  Write something from the heart.  Be honest and show people that underneath all that anger there is someone nice underneath."

"The site isn't about me; it's about my thoughts and feelings."

"Well give them some nice thoughts and feelings, and if you can't think of anything nice then don't write anything at all."






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Being nice — 15 Comments

    • I ain't dead yet!!

      The question is … lots of cute cuddly bullshit or the world as it is?

      Cute cuddly bullshit – I could keep going for a day or two.

      World as it is – I could go on forever.

      • The internet is chock full of cute cuddly bullshit. My wife is constantly demanding that I look at some video of yet another cuddly dog / cat / hamster / rabbit / piglet doing something vomit-inducingly cute. After which I need an antidote. It's the same as when she puts on some of her saccharine sweet boy-band music, I need to put on a Tom Waits album after just to restore the balance a bit and wash the cloying sweetness out of my ears.

        So keep pumping out the vitriol, GD. We need it.

  1. Your knuckles have been slightly rapped Grandad. Write something nice. Outline your concept of heaven, for example. Look at Picasso's cubist portraits of women in his life and then write a verbal description of the Ideal Woman.

      • Yeh sure, but I doubt whether the love life of Rubens was as 'colourful' as that of Picasso. Women in the paintings of Rubens are buxom and fleshy however. They could provide material for a nice post or two.

      • 1 You spiked herselfs argument does that count.
        2 One only you can answer cruelty is subjective.
        3 If you are then so must I be. Not a problem.

    • Don't worry, Brianf.  I always ignore her, especially when she tries to tell me what to write.  I keep telling her she should resurrect her own site if she wants to be so picky, but she refuses.

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