Dear Great Britain,

We have been neighbours for quite a few years [several million to be exact].

While our relationship has been a tad stormy over the centuries, I think you'll agree that lately we have been getting along quite nicely?

We have a lot in common.  We talk roughly the same language [except for people living in Birmingham] and even drive on the same side of the road.  You sent your queen over here recently where she tried to speak our other language and in return we sent you our queen and you gave him the Graham Norton Show.

Back in 1972 we were both sentenced to life imprisonment within the EU.  It was a harsh sentence, but so long as we were together we knew it would just about be bearable.

But now you are talking about applying for parole?  You want your freedom without so much as a thought for our plight

How could you?

Are you seriously considering leaving us to rot and suffer in that den of foreigners?  Are you thinking of leaving us to be the only English speaking country in a morass of foreign languages?  Just think of those poor bastards up in Norn Iron.  They have had a tough time working out whether they were Catholic or Protestant, Unionist or Nationalist, and now you are asking them to work out whether they are Europeans or not, on top of everything they have been through?

If you don't mind me saying so, I think you are being a tad selfish.  You really should have spoken to us first.  I thought we were mates, for fuck's sake?  If you are leaving you should at the very least insist on taking us with you.  That's only fair after all we hve been through?

If you do manage to spring us out of the EU, we'll even let you keep Terry Wogan.



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Being good neighbours — 10 Comments

  1. Hopefully we will soon be parted from the EU SSR and be setting a good example to your gubmint who will see sense and follow us.If we do not exit from this cabal of corruption there is always the piano wire you have oftimes mentioned which might also convince your 'politicians'.

    As you said "we have been getting along quite nicely" I do feel the threat of Terry Wogan was uncalled for.

  2. Past history:

    Ireland: NO!

    EUSSR: Are you sure?

    Ireland: NO!

    EUSSR: Are you sure?

    Ireland: NO!

    EUSSR: Are you sure?

    Ireland: er, no?

    EUSSR: Come on now, are you sure?

    Ireland: Yes, We love you.

    EUSSR: Good. Now bend over. No lube for the likes of you pesants!

    Ireland: Yes, give me austerity, yes! Give it to me!

  3. Thanks for this site; duly bookmarked! Strangely, as and Englishman, I have considered the Republic's position in the event of a Brexit, if only on account of Eire's exports to the EU passing through Britain. But it would be hard for Ireland (and Denmark, too) without Britannia's skirts to hide behind, so to speak. Depends on the EU; will Ireland be forced to join Schengen? That will put the cat…!

    • welcome Oswald!  It had occurred to me that if Britain left the EU it would leave us as a sort of isolated outpost way out to the West.  How it would affect trade is a matter for others to work out.  It would leave us in the strange position of having an EU border between ourselves and the North.  Would we have to re-erect border posts all over again, having dismantled them only a few years ago?

      Personally I would love to see the UK leave as it would potentially signal the start of a general break-up, and would certainly give other countries the courage to take a tougher stance.

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