Anyone for coffee?

I am drinking a mug of coffee.

Nothing unusual in that, you say?  I frequently mention how I have a coffee or four down the village, so what's different about this one?

Actually, quite a lot.

A long time ago we had one of those coffee making machines that hiss, splurted and farted before sneezing out a miniscule cup of coffee.  We didn't use it much as it only made one small cup and it was a lot of trouble.  A tea bag was easier to handle and slightly more convenient.

Anyhows, the machine was cluttering up the place a bit, so it got put in a quiet corner.  Over the years, other things got dumped in the quiet corner too, and the machine got buried.

The other day, when I was fighting with erecting shelves I came across the machine.  It was filthy and a glass jug thing had got broken.  The machine got dumped in the garage, minus its broken jug which went in the bin.

I got thinking about it today and brought it back in.  It took a bit of elbow grease, a few Brillo pads and a touch of bad language but I got it spruced up and back in running order.

Because the little jug was broken, I had to find an alternative.  It's a bit convoluted but my method is this –

  • Fill a mug with water.
  • Pour the mug of water into a jug.
  • Pour the jug into the machine.
  • Unhook the little filtery yoke and ladle in a couple of spoons of ground coffee.
  • Clean up the mess made by spilling coffee grounds all over the place.
  • Spend ten minutes trying to hook the filtery thing back in place which it repeatedly refuses to do.
  • Switch on.
  • Hide behind the couch.
  • After about five minutes of sounds that would do justice to an old mine-shaft pump-engine, it pisses out a mug of coffee.
  • Realise I had forgotten to put the mug under the filter.
  • Repeat all the above.

And so I get my mug of coffee, freshly made, at home.

Is it worth all the hassle, you ask?

I'll have to think about that.

Hang on while I make a mug of tea while I'm thinking……


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Anyone for coffee? — 7 Comments

  1. I need a two fresh brews every morning first thing just to get my head in order. It is my breakfast ritual from 7.00am to at least 10.0am and it sets me right for the day. In a lifetime of working, I would never have had the time for such a luxury. I tried several brands of ground coffee before I found the one that gave me just the right bang. It's so good, I'm almost tempted to try smoking it too. It's called Sumatra Dark and it would knock you sideways just sniffing the aroma.

    • Sumatran coffee is by and far the best coffee there is!!!  It is by it's nature best as a dark roast.  I have a small one cup french press with which I make my morning joe.  It's a PITA to clean it to reuse it each morning but hey, it works.

    • As an expert, can you explain something for me?

      How come if I have a coffee in the afternoon I feel an urgent need for a nap after, but if I have one in the evening, I'm tossing and turning all fucking night?

      • The nocturnal tossing and turning in your case must be your bad conscience at all the terrible things we suspect you must have got away with over the years. Afternoon naps are normal and desirable and if the coffee is not knocking you for long enough, then try wine the next time.

  2. Coffee machines are carefully designed to cause as much trouble as possible.  Many, many years ago, I put an old percolator on the gas, went to "cuddle" my then girlfriend – and forgot the coffee.  Big hole in pot.  Then I managed to misread the dosing instructions on a Cona machine at an exhibition.  Whole bag of instant coffee placed in receptacle, result very thick mud and fast clean up to win back sick visitors.  And then there was the more modern machine which managed to explode at a very unwelcome moment.

    Don't drink coffee any more.

    • I have noticed that a lot of the modern machines seem to be designed around a particular "pod" of coffee that you have to buy individually [and of course from the same manufacturer]?  I may be wrong but it would be kind of typical of the modern world?

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