There seems to be a perception in the Great Wide World that retirement means boredom.
I have lost count of the sites I have seen giving lists of activities for me to pursue while I wait for the Grim Reaper. They all promote much the same activities.
Join a local Bridge Club? Fuck that. The local Poker Club, maybe, but I tried to learn Bridge once and I found it a boring game. If I want to play a game of cards [apart from Poker], I’ll go for 110. Unfortunately no one else seems to have heard of the game so I’d have to teach ‘em all which is too much like hard work.
Join a local Bowls Club? Again, fuck that. There isn’t one. And I have no intention of starting one. Anyway there isn’t enough flat land around here to accommodate one.
Join a Writers Group? No fucking chance. Can’t write and don’t intend to start. And anyway my second book has stalled again so writing just mustn’t be my thing.
Join an Archery Club? Now you’re talking. Unfortunately they insist on only shooting at boring targets, so that’s out.
Help out with a local charity? Hah! I AM the local charity and no one helps me.
The list is as tedious as it is endless.
There is one tiny fact that they all tend to overlook though.
I just don’t have time for any of these Wrinkly Pursuits.
I’m much too busy.
In fact, I don’t even time to write this piece of whimsy.