I have taken the first plunge into the world of electronic smoking.

My new pipe arrived yesterday, to be added to my large collection of other pipes.


This one however is different.  Instead of gently filling it with tobacco and applying a match, I had to charge its batteries.

To an onlooker, unless they take a very close look, it appears to be a normal pipe.  The only really noticeable differences I found were that it was a bit heavier and larger than I was used to, and that there was no bowl to put tobacco in.

Once the battery was charged, I loaded it, and started puffing.

It was amazing.

There were clouds of ‘smoke’ and a grand flavour of tobacco off it.

I bought it on line from a company in Wales.  I must say I will be doing a lot of business with them, as they are extremely approachable and friendly, and they are also very efficient.  I hope they read this as they aren’t paying me for advertising them, but what the hell – a couple of crates of cartridges wouldn’t go amiss?  Heh!  The only thing I have to buy now are those cartridges.  A cartridge contains pure nicotine, which on the smokers scale of things is a relatively harmless chemical [compared to the other gunge you get in tobacco].  All I have to do is pop out the old one and replace it with a new.  You can get cartridges in different strengths and different flavours.

So what are the advantages of this new toy?

For a start, it is clean.  I don’t need an ashtray any more, and my finger won’t get ash on it from tamping the tobacco.

It is convenient.  All I need to carry is the pipe.  I don’t need tobacco.  I don’t need a lighter.  When I have finished, I just put it in my pocket.  When I want a smoke, I just take it out and puff.  It is going to be very handy in the car.

It is safer.  As it isn’t lit, there is no danger of hot ash spilling.  The smoke itself is a hell of a lot healthier.

It’s cheaper.  I haven’t worked out the precise costs, but the cartridges are a fraction of the price of a pouch of baccy.  And I can laugh in the face of future budgets!

The NicoNazis can’t complain.  This is probably one of its best features.  I can smoke it anywhere – in a pub, on the train, on a plane, in the cinema, even in a hospital.  No little jumped up do-gooding fucker can say a word as it does not constitute smoking under the legal terms of the anti-smoking law.  By God, but I’m going to have a lot of fun with that one!

Now, what about the disadvantages?

I suppose the biggest disadvantage is that I can’t nip down to the shop for some baccy.  I have to send away for it.

Taste wise, it isn’t exactly the same but it should be easy to get used to.

A big disadvantage is that I have to be sure to carry a spare battery and cartridge at all times as if either of those run out, I’m bunched.

I’m going to hold on to my old pipes of course, and will still have a puff of the old stuff but I can see myself using this new one a lot.

We live in interesting times.

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Grandad goes electric — 21 Comments

  1. But I bet it doesn’t have that reassuring smell that I shall forever associate with avuncular country Rectors sitting in untidy studies of draughty old Rectories wearing baggy cardigans and worn out slippers.

  2. I’m waiting for electronic beer. the satisfying drink followed by the warm feeling, /not/ followed by the wife nagging

  3. Having to make constant explanations everywhere you go to avoid getting thrown out or the cops caled may get tiresome.

  4. I love this:
    1. It looks like a pipe.
    2. It makes smoke like a pipe.
    3. The neo-facists non-smokers will positively, absolutely freak out!

    I haven’t visited the link yet, but I’m hoping they make an electronic cigar. I love the electronical part.

    Does it Twitter?

    BTW: you might consider adding a note in your post that a video is included. RSS doesn’t pick up your video. I like it. You should read a chapter from your book whilst smoking your electronic pipe. Dulcet tones. Soothing smoke. Witty reparte. Shit the BBC would hire you.

    @Kae Verens: I think you need to start on weed to get the feeling you want.

  5. @GoingLikeSixty tried weed, didn’t like it. I’ve nothing against people using it, but it’s not for me.

    Besides, a pint of weed is pretty damned expensive, and isn’t as easy for the barman to pour.

  6. Ian – It does actually. Herself tells me it smells like a normal pipe, but she noticed that the ‘tobacco’ I’m using is different!

    Kae – E-Beer…. No nagging wife. No hangover. No drunk driving charges. A quarter the price. I’m working on it!

    TT – I must be prepared to suffer personal discomfort in my battle against the self-righteous bastards. I am wondering though how many pubs I’ll be barred from.

    Sixty – They do indeed make e-cigars. I don’t know if they Twitter though. Nothing I can do about the RSS thingy – once it has gone, it has gone.

  7. Aw, the little things that make us happy.

    have you tried it out in public yet? let us know how you get on.

    What kinda flavours does it come in – strawberry, chocolate, blueberry. Hmm, “I’m off to smoke chocolate” has a peculiar but intriguing ring to it

  8. I see they have an electronic cigar! But shipping is impossible, I’ll be shopping around US sites for something similar.

    RE: RSS/Video. I didn’t make myself clear. I thought you just might want to add a line like (video included) to give us RSS’ers a heads up.

  9. Charmed – I’m negotiating flavours at the moment. I’m hoping for mild Virginia or Columbian Gold.

    TT – E-pipe, Mobile-blocker and TV Remote. What more can a man ask for?

  10. Surely it’d be much easier to just shove one of those Nicorette inhalers inside one of your pipes and use that instead?

    Okay, maybe it won’t still have the smoke, but at least it means no batteries, and if you run out, you can just pop down to the pharmacy. 🙂

  11. Hehehehehehe!
    Smoke away Grandad. All those micro-electronics in there… I wonder who supplies them? MI6, us, NKVD, GE or maybe Haliburton?

  12. I don’t get it …. how come it’s not illegal if it’s producing a plume of smoke?
    Do you actually get the taste of tobacco from it? Do you put cartridges into it?

    Ok .scrap the above … I followed the link in your sidebar and found it all out!

  13. TheChrisD – Nicorette inhalers just aren’t the same fun. There is no point if you can’t piss off the anti-smokers! 😈

    TheCIA – If you lot were responsible for the circuitry, then I would probably be able to use the pipe to swich TV channels. You know you lot could never come up with anything so sophisticated.

    Sneezy – Actually it’s some sample ammunition they thoughfully included.

    Paddy – It’s quite simple really. It looks like smoke, but in fact it is vapour – a mixture of nicotine vapour and water. The law states that the burning of tobacco is illegal, but this yoke doesn’t have any tobacco and very little heat. It does indeed taste of tobacco, and a veriety of flavours are available.

  14. I understand that there’s plans for a future version of the pipe that will include a working cell phone as well. You listen on the stem and talk into the bowl. Problem with that idea is that I’m sure you would end up explaining to anyone who saw you talking into your pipe that you weren’t really crazy as sh**house rat.

    Of course that might be fun at times too.

    And BTW, your video shows up in my feed reader (‘Brief’ add-on for Firefox) with no problem.

  15. It really is convincing. I didn’t know you could get pipe versions.

    I wonder if people who start smoking will start smoking these things instead of the real deal. I’m quite amused by that idea!

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