I phoned Sky Television yesterday.

I don’t often phone them and had forgotten that they have a rather messy menu system on their phone.

I was asked if I was a new customer, an existing customer, an old customer returning to the fold or someone who was just moving house.  I told them I was an existing customer.

I was then given a bewildering array of options, none of which seemed to fit my purposes, so I pressed 7 for ‘other’.  That brought me back to the start again.

I pressed a few numbers at random and ended up talking to a rather tasty sounding girl.  She asked me the usual questions, such as my name, address, what I had for breakfast, what I thought of the G20 talks, and eventually she asked me what I wanted.

I said I wanted to complain about the utter shite on all the channels.  I said that out of all the five hundred or so channels I had available, there was nothing worth while watching on any of them. 

‘You are not happy with the content of the channels?’ she asked.

‘That’s it,’ I said.  ‘They are all crap.’

‘But we only supply the channels.  The broadcasters provide the content.  You would need to complain to them.’

‘No,’ I said.  ‘They are the manufacturers, and you are the supplier, and under the Sale of Goods Act it is the supplier who is responsible.’

She thought about this for a moment and suggested that I subscribe to the Sports Package.

‘I hate sports,’ I said.

There was a long pause.

Eventually she spoke.  ‘You hate sports?’

‘Yup,’ I replied.  ‘Football is the worst but any sport is a complete waste of time.’

‘That is the fist time in my life that I have ever heard a man say that.  Could you repeat it?’

‘I fucking hate sport,’ I said obligingly.

For some reason, she went off into a fit of giggles and it was about two minutes before she could speak again.

‘I don’t know what to say,’ says she.  ‘I never thought I would hear that.  You are unique.’

She got that bit right.

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The Sky is the limit — 8 Comments

  1. I also hate sport. But I don’t subscribe to sky. NTL have a policy of making you afraid to enter their telephone menu system lest you have the Cenobites unleashed upon you and the very skin flayed from your body.

  2. I don’t hate sports, per se, but when a sport becomes a religion, it automatically generates an “ick factor” for me.

    My boss, for example, laments the fact that he can never discuss “the rugger” with his employees because we’re all apparently too heathen (translation: educated) to care about that crap.

    When he /does/ find someone to talk about, he starts spouting names and giving out about decisions and other stuff which makes me glad I’m not into it. He also speaks about economics and politics the same way, so I guess there must be a correlation (or a damned good analogy to be made) between rugby and economics.

    Give me chess, reversi, go or rummy any day – they’re sport enough for me.

    When I’m feeling more energetic, I like a go at juggling, bmx and skateboards. The latter two are a bad idea these days (I’m still in pain after showing the local kids how to do a few skateboardy things yesterday).

  3. Grow Up – Local reception is a bit iffy here in the Mountains, so it’s a choice of Sky or crap pictures. Personally, I think crap pictures would be an improvement, but Herself likes her television. I wouldn’t touch NTL anyway, as I used to work for them. 😉

    Kae – I should rephrase my attitude. I am completely indifferent to sports except when they intrude on my life, which they seem to do a lot. I hate any talk of sport, as it seems to be some kind of religion that I am expected to believe in, and people are aghast when I declare disbelief, as if I am somehow not complete. I enjoy a good game of backgammon though?

  4. I would love to go Free to Air, but what would I do about my Sharon? I would be lost without my six o’clock fix.

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