Well that’s the week’s peak of excitement over.

I hope.

I had to trolley up the motorways up to The Big Smoke this morning for an appointment.

This is all part of a twice yearly routine where I have two appointments with the Ophthalmologist. If you’re wondering what an Ophthalmologist is, it’s basically an Optician who charges twice as much for the same stuff, though I have to admit they have some pretty impressive equipment.

Today was the first appointment of the brace. For this one I have to wait in a corridor staring at a blank wall for ten minutes until I’m called in. An extremely attractive Young One then invites me into her lair whereupon I have to be plugged into a machine which flashes lights at me and I just click a mouse when I see the flash. It is intensely tedious. When that’s over I am sent back to the corridor where I stare at the wall for another ten minutes.

Eventually another attractive Young One invites me into her lair, whereupon she pushes her face into mine while she stares into my eyes and pokes and prods my eyeballs. I try not to have dirty thoughts.

Once all that is done the second Young One sits back and says the pressure in my eyes is absolutely fine and well within limits. I would imagine my blood pressure is a tad on the high side though. Eye pressure is extremely important apparently [and they don’t teach you that in Primary School?], as high pressure damages the optic nerve and eventually causes blindness, or to give it its fancy name – Glaucoma. So I have to drip drops into each eye every night or go blind. Irritating but I suppose there’s no point in moaning if I want to continue seeing stuff.

On my way out, they relieved me of a fair chunk of my pension and said they’d be in touch about the second of the brace of appointments. This is the one where the actual Ophthalmologist [who’s also an attractive Young One] will also prod an poke my eyes before showing me very fancy computer displays which tell me exactly how my sight is. Or rather they would if I could understand them, but then I’m not an Ophthalmologist.

I’m back home now, lighter in heart and in pocket.

Until the next appointment.