I feel quite sorry for Queen.

I mean the royal one, not the group.

Why feel sorry? says you. Look at what she has.

She has a number of castles and palaces and is one of the wealthiest women on the planet. She is generally loved and respected wherever she goes and is undoubtedly one of the best known people in the world.

But let’s take a look at the position she holds as if it were just a job.

For a start, she never applied for the position. From her earliest years she was told that the job was hers as soon as her old fella died. No arguing. Accept it, come what may.

The job itself does have its perks. There are the castles and palaces as I said, with vast acreages that come with the job not to mention a private plane, a train and a fleet of cars. There’s a vast army of staff who will bend to every wish and whim. Money is no object and in fact there is no need for it as there is always someone on hand to pay the bill.

But let’s look at the other side of the coin [the side that doesn’t have the queen’s head on it].

The job is for life. That’s not an expression, it’s a literal fact. The only way out is feet first, unless you wish to abdicate which is severely frowned upon. If you don’t like the job, that’s tough shit. You’re landed with it and you’re stuck with it.

Forget about privacy. You may get a few days peace up in Balmoral or in the back rooms of Buckingham Palace but generally every sneeze will be photographed and analysed by the meeja. Farting, or indeed any toiletry function is out of the question for life. In general though any trip outdoors means having to deal with staff, crowds, police, cameras and reporters. There is no chance in hell of nipping down to the local pub for a swift half and a quiet chat with the locals.

Forget about impulsive behaviour too. You can’t suddenly decide you want to spend a week or two in a caravan in the Lake District. Your every move is already set down in stone for days weeks and even years ahead. Like it or lump it, you have already been ordained to meet with hundreds of people who you will probably dislike but you must smile at all times no matter how much you’d like to smack them one.

And there is the family. Did I mention that the job involves the entire family? As you inherit the job on the death of your father, so one of your kids has to inherit on your demise. But what if the next in line is a dithering idiot who is way past retirement age and is better at conversing with trees? I suppose you’ll be gone and past caring but it must be a worry anyway. And of course you kids’ and grandkids’ behaviour leave a lot to be desired with divorces, infidelities, hints of paedophilia and other little embarrassing indiscretions.

You’re tired. Tired of the job and tired of life but there is no end to it. You say you want a day off and the meeja immediately goes frantic wanting to know why.

Being a queen ain’t easy.