One of the little joys of running a site like this is clearing out the huge quantities of spam it attracts.

It’s a bit like clearing the hairs out of a plug-hole after a shower.

For those of you who aren’t technically minded [like me], spam is the name given to all those comments that are posted in the hopes I won’t notice that they are trying to garner business for their tacky little enterprises.

What I find so irritating about spam comments is their sheer lack of inventiveness.  Some of them try to get past me with flattery [“Wow!  This is an awesome site! I’m telling all my friend about it!”].  Some of them try to give the impression that they have actually read the site [“Wow!  I have been looking for this information for ages”] when it is fucking obvious that they haven’t read a single word.  Some don’t bother with the niceties and just send dozens of links.  Some send what looks like a middle chapter from a very badly written book.  Most of them haven’t a fucking clue how to write even the most basic English.

The only ones I have received that have a remote spark of intelligence behind them are the insulting ones.  They are the ones that tell me that it’s a great site but that I should really brush up on my grammar/spelling/facts.  Presumably I am supposed to let them through so I can defend myself against their “helpful advice”.  Bollox to that.

I have seen quite a few sites out there that allow spam in.  They obviously let any and every comment through, presumably so they can boast to their mates that they got five thousand comments on their last effort.  Sad fuckers.

For years now I have been looking for some method of stopping these irritating nuisances in their tracks.  Some efforts were semi successful and others didn’t work at all.  Some even went so far as to block all comments which, while extremely effective also binned genuine comments.

I think I mat have found the solution. 

Or maybe I haven’t, and that is why I am writing this.

I stuck a new little gatekeeper on the back of the site over the weekend.  So far, I have received two spam messages.  According to the gatekeeper, he has stopped nearly three hundred and fifty dead in their tracks, which gives an idea of the scale of the problem and why I am keen to stamp it out.

So my problem is this.  Did my little gatekeeper chuck out any genuine stuff?  Did any of you write anything that didn’t appear?  Has your social life been destroyed because you can’t leave a comment here?

If you have been affected then leave a comment.

No.

That won’t work, will it?!

Send me a mail.

Unless you are a spammer, of course.