Cheerful news for my readers
I know you lot like to see me suffer, so today you should be very happy.
Because I’m not.
I fucking hate today and all it stands for.
The clocks changed last night so we are into the dark evenings. What’s worse, as each dark evening draws in there is the knowledge that tomorrow will be even darker.
Halloween always pisses me off too. It used to be a simple case of kids looking for apples or nuts, but now it’s that ghastly American “Trick or Treat”. They can fuck off. I’m going to electrify the gate again this year. That’s my treat. And they can fuck off with their bangers too.
And the weather has changed. It was pleasant enough but it has turned damp and chilly. I had to wear a sweater to go down to the village yesterday. I am more a short sleeved shirt sort of bloke. I don’t like having to wrap myself up in heavy layers. I have heard the odd mention on the weather forecast of those words “frost” and “snow”. *sigh*
Of course this is the time of year when the advertising industry goes into top gear and inundates us with horrible jingly ads that drive me crazy. They all insist my “perfect day” will be ruined if I haven’t stocked up on their fucking rubbish. How long will it be before I start hearing fucking Bing Crosby or fucking Slade blaring out from shop doorways? They say it’s to get me “in the mood”. It gets me in the mood all right – a fucking bad mood.
It is also the time of year when car trouble starts. I’m not one for long drives these days, but I do take quite a few short ones. The net result is that the battery slowly drains as each journey takes more out of it than I put in. So I have to keep remembering to put the fucking thing on trickle charge so I don’t end up stuck with no car.
The icing on the cake of course is the budget in a few weeks time. Not content with freezing me, immobilising me, plunging me into darkness and trying to fleece me for tat, they then decide that this is the time of year to steal all my hard earned cash.
I hate this time of year.
Halloween party last night. Suffering today. Couldn't agree more though. The two shittiest months of the year coming up. They can't even call it Christmas anymore. It's the fuckin' "Holidays." Give me a break. First "Holidays" ads on TV already. Twats.
We have been having the occasional "holiday" ad for a couple of weeks now. Fucking C*******ss Trees in October!
I'm delighted that someone else is as miserable as I am though. That has quite cheered me up.
You speak for millions of us Grandad.
If there is one (very faint) ray of bloody sunshine in all this, it is that the price of alcohol approaches more reasonable levels for a while. Apart from that you've got it right all the way.
All depends on your definition of "reasonable"? God be with the days when I could get pissed on 10/= ! Bet they bang another whack on the pint in the budget too [for the sake of our health, of course].
You've made me all nostalgic ..
My first pint cost me 1/11d – knocked a bloody big hole in my paper round money that did 🙂
Yes, I remember those days. It was all Watney's Red Barrel (fucking weasel watter that was) and vodka and lime for the birds.
We're all the blokes drinking Watney's Red Barrel sitting around in their sweaty shirts in singing "ta-ray mah-leen-nah"?
(don't feel too bad if you don't get the reference)
"Some emaciated dago with nine-inch hips presenting flamenco for foreigners.."?
"And sitting in their cotton sunfrocks, squirting Timothy White Suncream all over their puffy, raw, swollen, purulent flesh, 'cos they overdid it on the first day."
Look on the bright side GD; with all this global warming that's going to turn Ireland into a desert island, you'll soon be nipping into the village in mid-December wearing just a pair of budgie smugglers.
Global warming? What the fuck is that?
Actually on the subject of budgies, I was watching this clip on You Toob last night – needed a good laugh after putting the clocks back:
Can't beat a drop of dead parrot [as my Granny used to say].
Christ, but yer all a tad miserable.. 🙂
would you ever consider therapy GD?
Therapy my hole! Paying some fucking twat to listen to me? When I have you lot?
And I'll have you know it is not easy living up to the reputation foisted on me. You just try being Ireland's most cantankerous auld fella for a day. It's a lot harder than you think.
Now how did I know you'd laugh at that suggestion GD..
We're here for ya alright.. and tis not cheerful news if you're having a bad day.. much. 🙂
wish they'd leave the fuckin' time alone! hate forward and back silliness
I'll second that. I blame the fucking farmers, And the schoolkids. They're the ones who complain about dark mornings. Shower of fucking wimps.
Buy a pumpkin from Tesco and carve 'fuck off'' , then put the candle in and leave it at your front door.
That should do the trick.
Now that is a really fucking excellent idea! Or buy seven and give them one big letter each?! Brilliant.
Tried it tonight. Fucked up the first 'f'. Threw the bastard pumpkin in the bin.
Just looking at the news over the last few days Italy, Spain, France & Greece people out on the streets protesting the EU enslavement, Ireland still on their knees waiting for the next cuts. What is the matter with the Irish race?
Overdosed with the X-Factor. They're waiting for Louis Walsh to tell 'em what to do.
FFS….and its not Christmas yet…..I can't hardly fucking wait.
so far i haven't had any trick or treaters since i threatened to kill them one year,an acquaintance use to have a video store they used to come in he would tell them it was "Bad Luck" to trick or treat in a shop and the tools believed him !
I still prefer the tried and trusted method – wire the gate handle to the mains. If they are standing in a puddle when they try to open the gate, the spark display is quite pretty.
My self setting DVD player was purchased before they changed the date on daylight savings time. That thing will be an hour off for another week. Our clocks go back this Saturday. Accidentally stayed up past my bedtime last night!
If they are going to fuck around with the time, then why can't all countries agree on a specific day? Weird.
You should move here: no Halloween / Christmas and you can wear t-shirts / short-sleeved shirts well into December (If you're a hardy Irish man / woman. New Years is celebrated here and while there is some of the commercialism it is not enough to offend or put you in a bad mood. The clocks also went back here but the people running the country are thinking of keeping the time at summer time to save energy. I have yet to meet anyone who can explain how the savings will be made.
It gets dark so early in the day now, it's dark by the time I wake up… 😉
Maybe you should get up a little earlier? I know the feeling though – I only have a couple of hours of daylight…