One thing that really pisses me off at this time of year is the obsession everyone seems to have for the best movie/song/whateverthefuck of 2009.

Who gives a flying fuck?

I have my opinion on things, and it is very unlikely to coincide with your opinion.  If I rate my top film of 2009, are you going to read my review and say to yourself “Holy Fuck!!  I thought that film was shite, but because Grandad says it’s good, I must go out and rent it again”? No.  I thought not.

Of course the television is at the same shite.

If I see one more “sports personality of 2009” I will scream.  Can you not get it through your thick skulls that by definition, sports people have zero personality to start with?  I can always tell when a sporty person is being interviewed simply by listening to their monotonous drone and their use of single syllable words.  I swear Mary Mad Cow Harney must have missed her true calling, because she has that precise monotonous droning voice that would mark her down as a weight lifter or Sumo wrestler.

The car industry has to go one better.  They have to announce their “car of the year 2010”.  How the hell can they do that?  How do they know that come January, I’m not going to produce an incredible car that does 500 miles to the gallon with a top speed of Mach 3 and does 0 to 60 in 5 nanoseconds?  They don’t.  So they can fuck off with their “car of the year”.

There seems to be a sort of collective brain diarrhoea in the “blogging scene” at this time of year.  I have noticed in the past that there seems to be a Winter Doldrums that starts now and will last for about two weeks.  People will only write utter crap on their sites which no one will read.  Few will write anything incisive, and fewer still will read their splodge.  Of course I will continue to attempt to keep the standard up with my incredibly insightful, highly intellectual scribings, but it’s a losing battle.

I know that no one is going to visit this site for the next two weeks.  I don’t care.  It’s your loss.

And before I go, I would like to nominate my film of 2009.

It was a film I took of the young dollybird swimming stark naked in her pool, next door to us in France.

And no. You can’t see it.

It’s all mine.