A hundred thousand welcomes.

Or, to be pedantic, Hundred Thousand Welcome but we won’t quibble about literal translations.

Ireland welcomes everyone. Are you fleeing war, persecution or do you just want free handouts then come to Ireland. Come on over and we will extend the hand of symbolic friendship. We have run out of places to put you but you are still welcome anyway.

Those of you who are late arrivals can try out our new experience – all the joys of camping but withing easy reach of shops [but not toilets or washing facilities]. We’ll even provide you with a tent!

But wait…..

It’s St Patrick’s Festival time. We can’t have all our new friends cluttering up the streets with tents, rubbish and shit. What would all those lovely tourists think?

It’s time to move. We have found a lovely place up in the Dublin Mountains. Commune with wildlife! The views are fantastic. Just pretend you’re on a camping holiday. We’ll even help you move!

Of course it’s a nasty vicious lie that we are moving out to the middle of nowhere because you looked untidy. We’re doing it for your own good. The air is lovely, clean and fresh. You can even choose where to pitch your tent.

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Ireland welcomes everyone. Are you fleeing war, persecution or do you just want free handouts then come to Ireland. Come on over and we will extend the hand of symbolic friendship.

You will be astonished at the wonderful accommodation.