I’m backing Putin to win the Russian elections.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t trust the slimy little cunt and I certainly wouldn’t ask him to mind my bike while I nipped into a shop. I just mean that I have a feeling in my waters that he is going to get the most votes.

In a detached sort of way I do have a grudging admiration for his election technique. Here we eliminate candidates by announcing they haven’t enough votes. He just eliminates his opposition by killing them. It’s a guaranteed method of winning though I feel it does lack a certain esprit de corps.

Come to think of it, maybe Putin has something there. Elimination of candidates prior to an election is something the Irish gubmint might like to try? There could be a rash of mysterious deaths, road accidents and sudden suicides, maybe even the odd shooting here and there [they could claim it’s drug-gang related]. Sinn Féin would have a distinct advantage though as they would have the resources of their military wing that they keep insisting they don’t have.

Why does Putin always look so miserable? He always carries a blank look on him and I can’t imagine him having a good laugh. Maybe he does that in private when he’s been told of another opponents sudden accidental demise? I just can’t imagine him being the life and soul of any party. He distinctly lacks a look of craic.

I bet he doesn’t buy a round in the pub when it’s his turn.

He has that look about him.