These are exciting times at the Manor.

I am about to be held captive for an undefined length of time.

Many eons ago when my parents bought this gaff there was just a laneway outside. It was basically a mud track with grass down the middle. It was described legally as “a cattle right of way”.

Time passed and people started building houses up the lane. I don’t know if we were the attraction but they moved in like flies onto a cow-pat. It went from four to thirteen properties which shows how popular we were/are.

Needless to say the lane took a bit of hammering and someone covered it in asphalt. Naturally that subsided and more asphalt was added. This went on over the years with new layers occasionally being added to old layers. The lane grew by about eight or nine inches but was still full of potholes. Where we used to be slightly above the lane we are now well below it. When it rains, water pours down the lane and collects in my gateway. Apparently it collects in neighbours’ gateways too.

Anyhows the council has decided to do something about this state of affairs. Far play to them – it has only taken them sixty years. Things move quickly here in Ireland.

So they are going to remove the lane and rebuild it with proper foundations and drainage. Or so I’m told. Or maybe they’re just going to add another layer of asphalt. Leastwise I have been informed that there will be no entry to the Manor while the work is done. I am to be stranded for an indefinite period.

I now have to notify everyone who regularly calls. Presumably I also have to lay in a large grocery order before the work starts. I also have to check if we have enough heating oil. Fags? Tobacco? Whisky? Tea? How much stock should I order? Do I cancel all the Christmas Parties we have arranged?

So many questions.